Friday 19 October 2012

Not quite a celebrity property settlement, but.....




I stare at the client, your average man, fifty something who has taken up with a younger chick and finds himself separated, and know he is not going to like what I have to say. 

Choosing my words carefully, trying to soften the blow as much as I can I start with; “It is always difficult to know with certainty what a Judge or Magistrate would do in a case like yours but I would say the range could be somewhere between thirty five to forty five percent.” I brace for the explosions, there is always an explosion in cases like this. 

His face contorts as though he is trying not to pass wind. The news has hit him harder than I expected. Not even softening the blow by giving him a really low range as a starting point has helped to ease the pain.

“But I,” he starts and the words fail him.

Solemnly I nod. I don’t utter the words, yes life sucks and it is not fair, but try and make my facial expression convey them. Unfortunately I don’t think I am succeeding.

“How can this WOMAN just come in and take nearly half of what I have worked for over twenty years? How can THAT be RIGHT?”

As tempting as it is to tell the man that this is not about right or wrong, or justice or anything other than the fact that there is now a young child who needs to be looked after, I do not. “Well, you see it is the child that increase the percent for your ex partner.” I am careful not to use the word wife.

Seconds, minutes pass and the man stares at his hands. If he could he would throw something, I can tell from his eyes.

“But I have worked for all these things. She’s done nothing. It's mine,...” the words trail off.

Again I resist the temptation to point out the obvious, which is that she had sex with him. Often men do not like to be reminded of that, some even telling me it was not even good sex, a statement for which I have no answer. “Do you know how much she wants?” Perhaps it is not all bad. Some women do not want much at all. 

Shaking his head he sighs. “Yesterday she told me she’d go me for every penny she can.”

A fighter I think and try not to smile. Did she mean it though? Maybe.

“Why don’t you simply wait and see what she does?” I suggest for no reason other than to say something.

Again there is a moment of silence before he speaks. “Should I get rid of my toys?”

“What toys?”

“I have a plane and cars and things. A mate said I should get rid of them?”

“How much did you pay for that advice?” I ask avoiding the question.

“Nothing.”

Tactfully I point out that that is exactly how much that advice was worth.

“So you think she’ll get something?”

I nod gravely, trying to tell this man who is worth several millions, it is not fair but that is how it is.

As he leaves I know he will not be back, as people who do not hear what they want to hear go elsewhere, until they find a parrot.

I should have been brutally hones with him and simply said “Mate, the minute you have children with the other sex, it is going to hurt in more than one way. Most of all in the hip pocket." 

Don't forget to check out Briefs - a collection of short stories.



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