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HAPPY READING

Not quite a celebrity property settlement, but.....

I stare at the client, your average man, fifty something who has taken up with a younger chick and finds himself separated, and know he is not going to like what I have to say. 

Choosing my words carefully, trying to soften the blow as much as I can I start with; “It is always difficult to know with certainty what a Judge or Magistrate would do in a case like yours but I would say the range could be somewhere between thirty five to forty five percent.” I brace for the explosions, there is always an explosion in cases like this. 

His face contorts as though he is trying not to pass wind. The news has hit him harder than I expected. Not even softening the blow by giving him a really low range as a starting point has helped to ease the pain.

“But I,” he starts and the words fail him.

Solemnly I nod. I don’t utter the words, yes life sucks and it is not fair, but try and make my facial expression convey them. Unfortunately I don’t think I am succeeding.

“How can this WOMAN just come in and take nearly half of what I have worked for over twenty years? How can THAT be RIGHT?”

As tempting as it is to tell the man that this is not about right or wrong, or justice or anything other than the fact that there is now a young child who needs to be looked after, I do not. “Well, you see it is the child that increase the percent for your ex partner.” I am careful not to use the word wife.

Seconds, minutes pass and the man stares at his hands. If he could he would throw something, I can tell from his eyes.

“But I have worked for all these things. She’s done nothing. It's mine,...” the words trail off.

Again I resist the temptation to point out the obvious, which is that she had sex with him. Often men do not like to be reminded of that, some even telling me it was not even good sex, a statement for which I have no answer. “Do you know how much she wants?” Perhaps it is not all bad. Some women do not want much at all. 

Shaking his head he sighs. “Yesterday she told me she’d go me for every penny she can.”

A fighter I think and try not to smile. Did she mean it though? Maybe.

“Why don’t you simply wait and see what she does?” I suggest for no reason other than to say something.

Again there is a moment of silence before he speaks. “Should I get rid of my toys?”

“What toys?”

“I have a plane and cars and things. A mate said I should get rid of them?”

“How much did you pay for that advice?” I ask avoiding the question.

“Nothing.”

Tactfully I point out that that is exactly how much that advice was worth.

“So you think she’ll get something?”

I nod gravely, trying to tell this man who is worth several millions, it is not fair but that is how it is.

As he leaves I know he will not be back, as people who do not hear what they want to hear go elsewhere, until they find a parrot.

I should have been brutally hones with him and simply said “Mate, the minute you have children with the other sex, it is going to hurt in more than one way. Most of all in the hip pocket." 

Don't forget to check out Briefs - a collection of short stories.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/fictio

Celebrity Spouses worth millions

The honeymoon is over, as is breakfast in bed, early morning coffee and holding hands while strolling along the beach.

 Well, maybe you never did some of those things but fact of the matter is, two people who once loved each other now cannot stand each other, maybe even hate each other. Forgotten are the woves for better or for worse, for richer of for poorer. The only thing anyone is interested in now is how much am I worth. 

The credit card has been taken away and access to the joint account denied. There is no doubt the rose coloured glasses have been taken off and gloves been put on.

Judging by news reports and web sites dedicated to reporting on celebrity break ups, you are not alone.

The difference between your break up and that of a celebrity couple are I imagine are fairly small and can be summarised briefly.

For starters you would not have your dirty laundry splattered all over tabloids and the Internet, with your dirty laundry only being aired in Court, or possibly on facebook or in front of family and friends. A much smaller audience you would agree. The intensity of the fight, argument or dispute is no doubt the same. 

It is rumoured that Danielle Spencer will get twenty five million dollars in a property settlement. Tiger Woods x wife received a huge amount of money as did the ex wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I can hear some of you say, yes, but these women deserved every penny for what they had to endure, which of course might be true. But wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall when a celebrity couple attends mediation to try and come up with an amicable settlement?

I can just imagine the arguments celebrity couples have over Gucci watches, Klein underwear and European sports cars.

“Tell him that if he is looking for his Klein underwear he can check at the local rubbish tip.” Hissed Samantha at her lawyer, scrunching up a handkerchief in her small hands, which she had brought for the tears she had been able to turn on when needed. It had not been her best performance, but it had served its purpose.

Some time out had been called for by Trevor’s legal team, perhaps he needed another hit of something. If it had not been for his expensive drug habit they would now be arguing over twenty three million dollars as opposed to twenty million dollars. And that blond bimbo, how dare him bring her along to rub those large boobs of the new chick into her face? It was not her fault that the boob job she had done last year did not quite turn out as she had imagined. How dare him bring this up now in their darkest hour? Had the pain she had to endure not been enough?

“What about his offer of giving you half of the money and one of the mansions in LA?”

Samantha’s thoughts were interrupted by the voice of her lawyer.

Pouting she replied. “Which one?”

The lawyer momentarily looked confused. “Which one what?”

There is a sigh, one of those is this man an idiot sigh and why did I not hire the great white, the nickname given to the fiercest divorce lawyer in town, before she explained patiently. “Which mansion?” At about a thousand dollars an hour she had expected more from her lawyer.

“Ahm,” there is some shuffling of papers as her lawyer is looking for something.

“If HE wants me to have the Park Avenue one, forget it. I want the Hill one.”

Struggling to write down his client’s instructions Arthur, Samantha’s lawyer, was distracted by a knock on the door.

A tall slim woman with pencil skirt so tight it looks like a second skin, blond shoulder length hair and tight white blouse appeared at the door. Samantha is reminded of the serpent visiting Adam and Eve. The smile is plastered onto the plastic looking face of the woman.

“A word please Arthur?”

Her voice is like a deep purr and Samantha instantly regretted hiring a man for this job. A cat fight was what she wanted not a mauling. Sighing Samantha watched as her lawyer, who by now was nearly drooling and falling over himself to follow the temptress, walked into the den of the lioness. Maybe she could make do with ten million and one of the mansions.

I wonder which legal system Danielle and Russell will use, the US one or the Australian one? Let’s watch this space.

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Russell Crowe separates from his wife Danielle Spencer

Another one bites the dust.

I know these are musical lyrics that have nothing to do with separation, family law or marriage break up, but they are very apt I think.

I wonder how Russell broke the news to his ex (assuming the newspaper report is correct)? Did he sent an sms or did Danielle read about it in the Sydney Morning Herald or some other newspaper before confronting Russell about it?

Perhaps that is how they both found out it was all over, reading a tabloid in different countries, at different times.

If so, was it a relieve to them? It could be. I know plenty of people agonise over how to tell their spouse that it is all over. There have been occasions where I have done it for them, in my great role as divorce lawyer, bearer of all bad news. I have been asked to write a letter, which goes something like this (all names are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone)

Allright and Kindcare Solicitors

Date: 5 August 2012

Cynthia Reckless

6 Mumph Street

Mumphis

Dear Madam

RE: Property Settlement and Divorce

We confirm we act on behalf Argus Dickhead who has come to see us in relation to ensuring you know the relationship is over. Apparently you have shown some difficulty in accepting the news, to the point where you downright refuse to leave our client in peace, following him into the bedroom and forcing yourself upon him. Whilst we are on this topic we are instructed to request that all future sexual advances stop. Our client is adamant it is over.

To summarise our client’s position we are instructed as follows:

The two of you lived together for about two years, before getting married on 5 August 2002. There are no children of the relationship but significant assets, which will need to be taken into consideration for property settlement.

Please ensure you move out of the former matrimonial home no later than seven days from receipt of this letter, failing which our client will have you removed from the property by an eviction notice.

We suggest you obtain some legal advice and have your lawyer contact our office as soon as possible so we may work out an amicable solution to property distribution.

Yours faithfully

David Verbose Junior

I don’t know why it is that a spouse (or ex spouses) would get upset by such a letter, it is friendly enough in tone. What does it matter that it arrived on their tenth wedding anniversary and was perhaps a little dismissive of the feelings of the wife?

If Danielle had not idea the relationship was over, seeing Russell is in the US and she is in Australia, reading about it in the paper was probably a blessing in disguise. What better way to let your ex know it is all over then by leaking the story to a major newspaper (trouble for us ordinary folk is not many newspapers would be interested). Saves you the money of paying a lawyer to do it.

Of course we cannot assume it was Russell who ended it. It might have been Danielle. Maybe Danielle sent him an sms, or telephoned him?

As Melvin Goodheart, aka Fozzy, my character in the novel Just and Equitable, would say to Russell, “maate better that way then the way I found out, mate!!!” There would be a wink of the eye and a nudge in the ribs, and I am here to tell you Fozzy is right, as he finds out in the most nasty of ways that his marriage is on the rocks. Something you would not wish upon your worst enemy.

Maybe it was a civil discussion between Russell and Danielle over dinner one night.

Russell: “I say dear that steak is a bit too well done for my liking.”

Danielle: “What do you mean? That is how I have always cooked your steak. You like your steak well done.”

Russell with pronounced English accent assuming a character out of an English novel: “Well no my dear. You see that is exactly why we are not compatible.”

Danielle taking a sip of wine replies: “What do you mean we are not compatible? Have you been reading the tabloids again? I thought we agreed we would not.
Russell: “My dear there is not easy way to this. I do not like my steak over cooked. I like my steak medium rare. There are lots of things I do not like. It is over.”

Danielle: “Hand me the sauce would you darling?”

Russell: “Have you been listening to anything I have said?”

Danielle: “No darling but then that is why we are still married. And you need to work on that English accent, it’s not quite there. What exactly were you rehearsing for by the way?”

Or something like that.

I have to pause and say I do not know either Russell Crowe or his wife and am only using them as an example as they seem to be the latest celebrity couple to bite the dust. If it had been someone else I could have used them.

I see people who separate on a daily basis. It is my other job, a divorce lawyer as some people call them.

And I hear about hundreds of different ways that relationships end. None of the ones that I hear about are done in a civil amicable manner. The majority, are messy and often involve accidental discoveries of extra martial affairs or some other misdemeanour like gambling or drinking.

All these fantastic electronic media like facebook, twitter, email, sms and mobile telephones lead to a great many discoveries that were not available even ten years ago.

A mobile telephone left unattended is picked up by the wife/husband. An innocent scroll through the phone reveals text messages like:

‘hello u sexy thing – in hot tub wish u were her – imagine if your wife knew lol – can’t wait to see you strip off…..’

or

‘running late – room booked under Manuel Gonzales – could not think of other name – can you bring cash this time? Xxxooo wait for me naked will u?’

or

‘sex last night was great – was there trouble when u got home? How about lunch? I’m hungry for more xxooJ

and so on.

Unfortunately it is a most disappointing way to find out your relationship has come to an end, but then I imagine there is no happy or pleasant way to discover a relationship has come to an end. Even in the most amicable of circumstances there would be sadness, with a realisation that a change is coming.

If you are thinking of leaving or ending your relationship we suggest you do not try these at home:

1.     Putting it on facebook.

2.     Making a utube recording.

3.     Using twitter, which would be great as it does not require many characters to say it is over.

4.     Sending an email and copying in family and friends.

5.     Front page advertisement in daily newspaper.

I have no real suggestions to add that might work. The only advice I can give is try and keep your sense of humour, that is what keeps my client’s going even in the toughest of times.

But if you want to read stories about people surviving relationship break downs I encourage you to read Briefs a collection of short stories.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/fictio

More on ebooks and marketing

I have to say I am getting more and more inspired the more I read about ebooks and the benefits of publishing ebooks.

Don't get me wrong, I cannot boast great sales or anything like that, yet. But I am reading a lot about epublishing and think I am getting to know a bit more about it.

For starters, marketing your ebook is no different to writing your book in the first place, or good writing full stop. According to marketing strategies, words are important. How many times have I been told that in good writing every word counts? Countless times (excuse the pun). And here I am trying to market an ebook only to find that words are so important, again.

And so here I find myself thinking again what my short stories are about and why would people want to read them? Well, most of the stories in Brief are about relationships. There are failed relationships, as well as dysfunctional relationships and those that are non existent. Thus, Briefs is about people and their vulnerability. It is about leaving your partner/husband/wife and being left and once left how one copes. There are tips on revenge and getting even, with some of those even being put into practise.

Of course to present a balance viewed there is also a romance, a story about the first time and a father who faces an uphill battle to get to spend time with his daughter. A dragon also features, as does a lawyer reading a will.

The statistics for people who separate and divorce in our society are around fifty percent, which means the stories in Briefs should speak to most of you. But if none of those stories entice you I suggest you look for my husband's stories called 'Running in the Mist', which you can find on amazon or Smash Words (published under his name Gerard Thistleton).

As I leave you tonight I am already wondering how to improve my description of what Briefs is about. I think the more times you writer a blurb about your own book the better you get at it. So bear with me.

Till tomorrow - Tschuess

Running in the mist :)

Ebooks the way of the future

As I was debating what to write about for today's post I had initially envisaged writing about the word again, but alas it is a bit late and I fear I will not make much sense of my jumbled thoughts on the matter. Thus I decided to write some more on the ebook.

Marketing skills on the increase, I hope, I am getting more and more armed with information on ebooks and their benefits to writers. Of course I am still a bit dubious about this claim, particularly as I can see no benefits to my books so far (I know it is early days). Please do not get me wrong, I understand my little book is competing against thousands, no maybe hundred of thousands of books published electronically. A lot of those would be by authors who are well known.

What amazes me is that anyone ever finds us self published authors. I feel like a fish in the ocean, swimming for days without seeing another fish. Who could forget the scene in Finding Nemo where Nemo and Dory are swimming without anyone else around? That is exactly how I feel. Who will ever discover my book and if they do why would they buy it?

I am sure other authors must have similar feelings but I have to say, browsing sites such as Smash Words and Amazon makes me feel smaller and smaller by the minute with the body of water growing by the second.

Is there anything I can do about it? I guess I could give up writing, but I am not quite at that stage, yet.

When I think back to the days where I was starting out as a lawyer it was probably not much different. It was difficult to get a job. Advertisement for lawyers required at least two years pae (it took some time for me to work out this acronym stood for post admission experience) when I had none. Then when I had a year or so of pae, the job ads asked for three or four years pae. I felt as though I was always just behind the eight ball. Now some ten or more years later I no longer look at job ads, nor do I look at how much poe the job requires, I simply go and find work (if I am looking for another job).

I am sure one day I will be writing about my publishing experience and tell other people about the persistence and hard work one has to go through to get there. Until then I will struggle on with promoting by book Briefs and at the same time work on my novel Just and Equitable.

As it is Saturday night here in Australia I wish the rest of you a good weekend. Enjoy :)

A tiny fish in a big ocean :)

E Book

I guess to refer to an electronic book would be too long, thus the shortening to e book. Isn't it great how we adapt the word to suit our needs. Once upon a time a book would have only been a hard cover book. Then we moved on to the paper back and now we have electronic books, aptly called ebooks.

It has taken me some time to get used to the idea of ebooks, not only from a publishing point of view but also from a reading point of view. To be honest I still like the feel of a book and I have heard other people say this too. But at the same time I am conscious of carrying large books around and buying them. There is no doubt (particularly in Australia where I think paperbacks are expensive) that an ebook is far cheaper (in most instances) than a paper back. And of course not only is it cheaper but you can carry nearly an entire library with you on the range of different reading devices offered these days. I was looking at one of the new kindles, which according to the specifications can accommodate about three thousand books. Imagine carrying that many paperback books with you, an absurd notion I agree.

Of course this leads me to ponder if we really need to carry that many books with us all the time? And I would say that we probably do not. I guess it is more the luxury of knowing we can have access to that many books if we need to. If, by some remote chance, you get stranded on some desert island with your reading device you will be able to spend at least two or three months surrounded by good reading material. I understand this is subject to being able to recharge your devices battery, but I consider this to be only a minor hurdle to be overcome by us resourceful human beings. After all how many of you have watched Madagascar 2 where the people are stranded in the wilderness and the older woman gives a speech about being New Yorkers and thus being resourceful and so on.

 Back to being stranded on the desert island with your electronic device with about three thousand books stored on it. I can definitely see an advantage there. But apart from that I do not think there is much need to be able to carry that many books with you at any one time.

Don't get me wrong. As a writer, a writer who has published an ebook and is planning to publish more ebooks, I am not here to criticise ebooks. I am merely opening up the channels of discussion.

What do you prefer, an ebook or a paperback, or does it not matter to you? At the end of the day I think both have their place and both will be used by different people.

I will leave you to ponder for the night staring at the statues of musicians in a most magical setting. Enjoy :)

Power of the word

Moving on from the post about power words, I pondered the word and language itself (without the power bit). What I mean is, I thought about how powerful language and the word really is and how often we do not pay attention to it, apart from those people who want to use words to entice people to their website to buy their product.

Words are powerful. Words can hurt and uplift. Words break hearts and start love affairs. We use words all the time, in writing in speech and yet we often do not think how other people will interpret what we are saying or what effect they have on people.

As a divorce lawyer in my other life I know how often people use words either inappropriately or without thinking. Having said that let us look at how powerful words are by examining my statement of being a divorce lawyer. Those words conjure up a totally different image in someone's mind than if I had written I am a family lawyer. The words divorce lawyer project someone who is aggressive and shouts at their opponent and fights for their client's rights.

A family lawyer does not nearly sound as aggressive as divorce lawyer (perhaps American television it to blame for this). The words family lawyer sound far more gentle than the words divorce lawyer and yet they mean the same thing. Both types of lawyers, the family lawyer and the divorce lawyer, deal with separation. The difference in terminology is more a cultural one I think. In America people talk and think of divorce lawyers, whereas in Australia and probably the UK too, people talk of family lawyers.

Or think of marriage vows. There are so many words in marriage vows. For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, to honour love cherish and obey and so on. How many people say these vows and really pay attention to them I wonder? No doubt a fair few.

When attending a talk given by someone who was exposed to domestic violence during her marriage she said "I took my marriage vows serious. For better or for worse. Trouble was I did not realise how bad bad was going to be. One day I decided that bad did not include being beaten by my husband on a daily basis and I left. I decided it was ok to break those vows." All powerful emotional words. And so true in so many ways.

I read the blurb for a book by Hal Urban who says that we live in an ocean of words and yet we rarely acknowledge them. What a great statement. I can practically see myself swim amongst millions of words, catching a few as I go along to examine them, occasionally being dragged somewhere 9like an emotional high or low) by a few of them.

Perhaps we should all think more carefully about the way we use our words. Can we be kinder, can we be more positive, can we be more precise? I am sure we all can do those things and more.

Here is someone's writing desk who was brilliant at using words - Goethe!

Power Words

I find it amazing how much I am learning since I published my book and am trying to promote it. I think I am learning more than I did during lectures at law school (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration but pretty close).

The biggest thing I have leaned so far is that writing the book is the easiest of steps in the many steps of publishing and selling books.

Sure, it took time and the editing and formatting took even longer (and there you go, formatting and editing are not really writing the book are they), but promoting the book seems to be a job with no end in sight. In fact, the more I look at marketing and how to go about it, the more daunting the entire process seems.

Apparently simply posting on a blog is not good enough. No, you have to be aware that power words are what draws attention to your blog and posts. So then you have to spend hours searching the world wide web on what exactly power words are, which ones are most effective and once you have all that information you have to be able work out how to use the power words in a sentence.

There must be a simpler way? Maybe not. Maybe I am just a bit tired. Maybe I need to look at it with fresh eyes. Maybe.... (pity maybe is not a power word :( )

On a serious note I have not quite understood this power word concept and will need to do more research on it. In the meantime I shall go back to editing my novel, which I hope to be able to publish before Christmas. It is a novel I have enjoyed writing and I hope you dear reader will love reading it.

As I leave you today I leave you with a view of London Bridge (on the Mornington Peninsula).

Beware of separation agreements

Yes dear reader, I am going to address separation agreements. I agree it is not a topic of fiction, but it is relevant if you have separated or are thinking of separating and ultimately will be entering into some form of separating agreement.

I know it is a legal topic.

I can hear you say why then are you writing about it on this very blog?

Well because I have written a story titled "Skinned" which was published in the Quadrant earlier this year, which deals indirectly with the issue separation agreements.

I don't want to give the story away, as I do not want to ruin it for anyone who has not read it but wants to do so. But if you are in that unfortunate situations where you and your partner have legally separated and are going down the path of signing a separation agreement (in Australia they are usually referred to as consent orders or binding financial agreement), you would do well to get a copy of the story and read it.

If you cannot get the story I give you some tips to remember when reading a proposed separation agreement or when you are giving instructions to your divorce lawyer to draft a separation agreement:

• Make sure you are very specific about what it is you want (for example nominate the registration of the vehicle; give bank account numbers etc.).
• Make sure there are specific time lines set (ie to do something within so many days/weeks/months);
• Make sure there are default clauses (for example if you are supposed to be paid a specific amount of money make sure there is an order that states what is to happen if you do not get paid that amount of money when you should).
• Never have an order that says the parties will 'agree to do x', unless there is a clause that deals with the eventuality of you not agreeing.
• Never have an order that is vague. 

Last, but not least, make sure you do not agree to anything in a hurry or if you feel you are being pressured into something. It is always best to take a step back and take a day or so to think things over as opposed to rush into them.

Good Luck.

View over Gundagai NSW Australia (can you see the dog on the tucker box?) 

Short Story (part 1)

As the blog is meant to be fiction, I thought I should occasionally (maybe weekly) offer a short story over a few weeks. Thus, every Monday I will post part of a short story.

Passion Wreckage

The clouds zoomed across the horizon, threatening to unleash their power at any second. Samantha darted out from the cover offered by the shop awning, only to be abused by the sound of a car horn. Why was it that drivers could push the horn so readily and yet found it difficult to use the brakes?

By the time she opened the door to her hatch back she was soaked, the little umbrella having done nothing more than kept the top of her long black hair dry. Swearing under her breath, knowing her grandmother would turn in her grave for doing so, Samantha put the car into gear and sped out of the car park, occasionally glancing in the rear view mirror, almost convinced he was following.

An hour later, still wet, the little car stopped outside a large Federation home. The rain by now had stopped again, afternoon storms being the norm for this time of the year. As she sat in the car, unsure of her next move her mobile phone rang.

Glancing at the number displayed on the large screen, Samantha felt her heart beat quicken, butterflies multiply rapidly and the palms of her hand getting more sweaty. Should she answer it? A voice urged her to do it, you know you want to it whispered to her, you now you want to, it repeated.  

Slowly her left hand reached over, hovering above the offending object, her eyes traveling back to the house, a house, which looked deserted and yet obviously was well lived in, judging by the text messages she had read earlier that day. As her thoughts drifted to the morning events, her hand stopped short of answering the mobile, which stopped as abruptly as it had started as if it knew her thoughts.

The day had started like any other. Max had left before she had got out of bed, a habit he had got into over the last few months. Apparently he needed to get some work done at the office before everyone else arrived and bothered him. She was not sure what made her check his suit, but check it she did. A credit card receipt for a lunch at Belmonti’s for five hundred dollars was not an unusual find. Clients of the firm expected to be wined and dined in the best restaurants the city had to offer. No, there was nothing unusual in the suit.

With the suit collected by the dry cleaners Samantha went about her morning chores. First there was the bakrami yoga dvd she watched, trying some of the exercises here and there, before watering the plants on the veranda. By the time morning tea arrived she had put any notion of being suspicious about Max’s behavior out of her mind. There was nothing to worry about. Max was working hard. They were planning to go away at the end of the month.

Sipping on a hot cup of coffee Samantha looked up surprised when she heard the ringing of a mobile phone, followed by a beep to announce a message. Searching the house, Samantha found the phone on the coffee table in the living room.

Just as she reached for it, it rang again.

“Hello?”

There was no one on the other end.

“Hello?” she repeated before looking at the end call message on the screen. At first she simply stared at the phone, but after some minutes passed Samantha scrolled through the messages and numbers dialed, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

......to be continued next week :)

The Federation House of the story???

More editing

No, dear reader, I have not finished my novel Just and Equitable, but I am helping my husband get his book of short stories ready for publication. And again there are editing issues. Issues is a word not much used in our house, but it describes the editing problem pretty well.

Whilst my husband is lucky that I have been through the painful process before him, almost making me an expert at it, he is doing plenty of gnashing of teeth on his own. Currently there are index problems.

I know we are lucky to be able to publish our books without waiting for an editor to decide if they like the work or not, it is not exactly easy. Writing the book now seems but a distant memory. As I listen to my husband's frustrations I am putting the finishing writing touches on my novel and am already dreading the book editing phase (as I call it - perhaps it should be called the formatting phase), which no doubt will take a fair amount of time and be accompanied by swearing.

But in the end there is no great sense of achievement (and a sense that it was all worthwhile) when you dear reader give positive feedback on the books. Every time someone tells me how much they enjoyed the stories in Briefs a collection of short stories I know it was all worthwhile.

And so back to finishing my Just and Equitable Novel and possibly giving more a lending hand to my husband to get his book finalised.

To leave with you another teaser here is the opening paragraph of another story of Briefs. If you have not done so you can find the book on Amazon as a paperback or as an electronic copy.

Wholly CRAP

“Order! Order!”

Sir Weary, Knight Commander of the Blue Order of Dragons, Ruler of the Seas Beyond and Four Star Accredited Superior Maddened Broom Witch Handler, called hoarsely into the public address.  For good measure he pressed firmly on the button that generated a feeling of a force 9 (devastating) earthquake, accompanied by the flash of a supernova. But his voice carried over the hubbub, which brooked slightly at his entreaty, but then rose to hum and buzz, with the occasional burst of flame and laughter. It was no use. Sir Weary drummed his left claw pondering his next move.  

 A dragon

The benefit of walking

It was my husband's birthday a few days ago and one of his presents was a book titled 'The lost art of walking' (I do not have the book in front of me but think this is the title). And what motivated me to buy the book was simply the fact that it was about walking.

Of course the title struck a chord with me as I thought it odd to talk about the lost art of walking when we walk everyday of our lives. I know we probably walk a lot less than we used to, but fact of the matter is, we still walk. We get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, we walk to the kitchen and we probably walk to the car and or train/bus station (just to name a few things we walk to).

I have to admit I have not read the book yet, so have no idea why the title of the book is what it is. So I will keep you posted on this.

Another thing though I realised today was how beneficial walking is not only from the point of view of health, but from the point of view how much more you see when exploring a town on foot as opposed to by car.

Every Sunday we go on an outing. That means we pack our picnic gear, esky and picnic chair and find somewhere to drive. Usually we end up in a country town. There we will pull up and explore. We have found some fantastic towns that way. Today we drove to Euroa, a small country town in North East Victoria (Australia), which is still full of old historic buildings left over from the gold rush and a railway. Instead of driving through the town we took our scooters (those little razor ones) and walk/scooted through the town. And we saw so much more than if we had simply driven through the wide streets.

There were houses to gawk at, gardens to admire and old buildings to read about. Our little son loved it (pretty cheap outing) and as an extra bonus we got some exercise as well.

Next time you are at a loss for something to do why don't you explore your own area, or somewhere where you have not been, on foot. I bet you will find inspiration among your exploration.

I certainly came home with ideas for stories, description of houses and a post for today. And that is not all, but more on that next time.

Till tomorrow, don't forget to check out my book on short stories "Briefs" either as an electronic book or as a paperback by clicking on one of the following links or searching on Amazon under author name (Tanya Thistleton).

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009C8TC96


 https://www.createspace.com/3962688

Have you ever noticed how birds run when they are in danger (like about to be run over by a car) instead of flying?

Becoming a Brand

As I wrote yesterday, that day started with the attendance at a webinar (isn't it great how we have come up with a new word for a seminar done over the world wide web?). The seminar was about marketing, which has since been discussed in our house, not on a critical level but more on what practical things one should do to market a book.

It would be fair to say that the theme of the seminar was about branding, which led me to wonder if a writer should create a brand for himself (or herself) or if that in itself distracts from the creativity of the writer.

If I was to try and brand myself, I am not sure how I would go about this. For starters my first book is a book of short stories (for those of you not in the know it is called Briefs), with my second being a novel about separation and the Family Court process. Then I am editing a romance novel as well as writing a non fiction book on Family Law principles in Australia for people who have separated or are thinking of separating. Thus, I don't think I can be easily branded.

Whilst I acknowledge writers need to stick to marketing principles as much as possible I cannot see myself  becoming a brand (unless my perception of this term is different to what it means). Sure, I appreciate press releases are important as well as somehow connecting with your audience, you the reader, I cannot see how turning myself into a brand can help me.

If you differ in opinion on this I would love to hear from you.

In the meantime I take this opportunity to remind you that Briefs - a collection of short stories is available as an ebook or a paper back at the following links:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009C8TC96

 https://www.createspace.com/3962688

And of course look out for the soon to be released novel ' Just and Equitable'.

More Marketing Strategies

This morning we started our day a lot earlier than normal by watching a marketing presentation on promoting your self published book.

One of the main points that has stuck in my mind is that the presenter pointed out that marketing your book is an extension of writing (these are my own words). Writing the book does not sell the book, marketing and putting it out there does.

And marketing is really in a way more writing. You should write press releases, newspapers articles, blogs, twitter, facebook and other kinds of promotional material. But writers find this part difficult.

During my usual rung this afternoon I pondered why writing the promotional material is difficult, and I think it is because we have to write about ourselves and the work as opposed to create a story (or work of non fiction). Most people are embarrassed about hosting, and promoting ones work could be seen as boasting. It is no different to confident people being mislabelled as arrogant.

What does this mean? It means you need to believe in your work and be proud to write and tell people about it. Why shouldn't you boast about the fantastic novel you have written and self published. None of those things just happen. They take hours and hours of work. You should tell people about it.

I know I am the worst offender when it comes to promoting my own work, as I am worried people will think I am boasting.

However, I shall practise (what was it again? ten thousand hours before you get good at it?).

The number of sales on my book have been steadily rising which has been a real thrill for me. Thank you to all of you who have bought a book and thank you to those who will buy one. I hope you enjoy the stories as much as I have enjoyed writing them. You may be pleased to learn my novel Just and Equitable is in the final stages of being edited and I hope to be able to release it in early December (unless there is a change in plans... you never know).

As I leave you for the night enjoy the opening paragraphs of another story in Briefs - a collection of short stories.

Work in Progress

The news of some guy having barricaded himself into a solicitor’s office just around the corner was not welcome. To start with it was preventing Samantha from getting back to work and precious billing hours, not to mention the weekly five thirty masseuse appointment which might now be missed.

 The nuisance, as she had referred to the barricaded man in a telephone call to her office, was the icing on the cake, so to speak, on a day she cared to put behind her with a glass of red and some take away pizza.    

The day had started with a telephone call from the dreaded Legal Services Office, the overseeing body for lawyers, and deteriorated from there. The complaint as far as she was concerned had no basis and was designed to make life difficult, as well as take her away from precious billing hours, a key aspect to her life.

She had assured Mahatmut, at least that’s what it sounded like to her, but with the thick accent it had been difficult to tell and since she still could not spell it after having asked three times she had written it the way she thought it sounded, she would give it her utmost attention and reply within fourteen days. There had barely been enough time to grab the file for court and hail a cab to take her two blocks down the road, making sure she arrived on time looking good. In the haste she had not seen the fifty page long affidavit the other side had served on her by email minutes earlier.

“Excuse me,” she said to the heavily armed police officer guarding the footpath barricade. For good measure she tried to paste a smile on her face. “I..ahm..was wondering,” she started tilting her head slightly to the left. Some guy she had once dated for about two seconds told her she looked irresistible when she did that. “Do you think I could just drop these into my office and…”.............................

The warrior watching over you :)

Information Sharing

We are so lucky that we live in an age where information is at our fingertips (at least for some of us). I know those of us in the world with telephone, computers and Internet are very lucky.

Recently I searched marketing my ebook (Briefs a collection of short stories) and I came across several thousand (more like millions) entries on google. Browsing just some of them I picked up some useful tips. The most useful thing however was what I read on how long it takes for a person to get good at something. 

I did not bookmark the site but the author wrote that it takes ten thousand hours of doing whatever it is you want to learn, to become good at it. I guess that means before you become a good writer you have to write for ten thousand hours. I pondered this as I have some knowledge in the sport science arena, and whilst I cannot quote the exact statistics I think it was something like thirty thousand repetitions of a skill makes it so you don't think about it anymore. However, you have to do these repetitions correctly. This means if you do thirty thousand repetitions of some movement and you do not do it right, you will not have mastered the skill (except incorrectly). I wondered if the same applies to writing. If you write for ten thousand hours but you write badly, will you still write badly at the end of ten thousand hours? Or, will your writing improve at say eight thousand hours, because of all the practise. Is it practise that gets you there or does it have to be good practise?

You might think what does it matter at the end of the day, with some good books selling well and other good books not so well and some bad books selling well and some bad books not selling so well.

What I realised at the end of reading and writing all this is, that what matters most is that you enjoy what you are doing. I have been editing my novel Just and Equitable and as I do so I laugh out loud, a sign I am enjoying what I am writing. The rest then is up to you, the reader. 

If you are a writer and enjoy writing, keep doing so. I know I will. 

The way news and information was transported :)

Encouraging Feeback

I have been brave and given my nearly finished novel 'Just and Equitable' to someone to read. I have to say I have been encouraged by the initial feedback, which was laughter and praise for the style of writing, the names of the characters and the story in general.

It is great to receive positive feedback with appropriate critical comments thrown in.

I decided to give you all a taste of the first chapter of Just and Equitable, to wet your appetite. It continues from the previous opening paragraphs offered in an earlier post.

Just and Equitable

Chapter 1 continued

Get away and get away quickly, something inside him shouted, having momentarily stopped halfway down the stairs of the front path and fought a temptation to go back, throttle Fred and throw him over the balcony into the harbour begging for mercy, with Melanie crying in the back ground, begging forgiveness, running up to him in her naked state to wrap her arms around him and tell him she had been forced by into bed by the brute and ask him why had he not come home sooner. Melvin needed no more encouragement and continued to his ute like a startled rabbit.  

 The beeping of a car horn made Melvin’s head snap up and come out of his trance like state. Some bloke driving a BMW was showing him the finger mouthing “watch where you’re going dickhead”. Fozzy jumped clear of the Bemeer and in doing so slammed his fist onto the back of the car, thinking another bloody tourist come for a gawk, before he took three final steps to reach his car. Once in it, he floored it to get away. With a grunting clutch not accustomed to such rough treatment Fozzy sped passed the Bemeer, which had pulled over just ahead of his house. At the end of the street Fozzy turned left. A barrage of abuse came his way with the screeching tyres of a delivery van. The driver beeped the horn, yelling “Fucking asshole, watch where you’re going….,” and showed him the finger. Fozzy neither apologised nor gave the matter a second thought. He had other things on his mind. He replayed the day’s events as he sped away from Nearcontent to head into the city.   

At six that morning Fozzy had, like so many other mornings, a fight with his alarm clock. With it being week three of a sex draught he had high hopes for the day.

“Fucking thing,” he muttered under his breath. The dam thing had been a Christmas present from Melanie, who did not believe in letting nature wake you. No, Melanie had firm rules about what time he should get up, be at work and come home. When he had argued that for years he had done just fine letting nature wake him Melanie had dropped the subject, for a while, until Christmas and then bang she had pounced like a preying animal waiting for its victim. When he opened his present he nearly dropped it. It was a cicada the size of a wine bottle with bloodshot red eyes and large antennas. One of its antennas served as the snooze button with the off button being underneath its body, conveniently hidden to make it difficult to find whilst in a half sleep half awake state. To turn it off you had to pick it up turn it over and find the little button. Whilst this was happening, the quiet chirping grew louder and louder and louder until it became unbearable. And by that time you were no longer in the mood for a snooze, nor were you still lying down. If you pressed the snooze button things were no better, with reprieve from the chirping lasting less than a minute before it started again and again with ever increasing volume, which meant the only successful way to turn it off was to get up and do so.

“See darling,” Melanie had purred. “Now you have nature to wake you.” She had kissed him and the sex draught of six weeks back then had been broken. All was forgiven, for a while.

Despite his dislike of the thing, he did not dare get rid of it. If there was one thing he had learned, it was Melanie was quick to dish out punishment and slow to forgive.   

With alarm clock disarmed and brain slowly kicking into gear, Melanie poked her head through the door to announce. “You might want to grab breakfast on the way today.” She turned to leave, hovering for a moment near the door, for no reason other than to let Melvin perve, at least that is what he thought she was doing. His eyes were glued to the figure hugging short skirt, thoughts racing forward to tonight and any animosity toward the cicada vanished. He was ready to forgive and jump her bones there and then. No doubt she was wearing a g-string with matching bra........

Look out for the book -- soon to be published. 

Thank the pig :)

Another Teaser

Just for something different tonight (this has become a favourite phrase our four year old uses at the moment), I thought I would give you the opening paragraphs of another one of the short stories in my book of short stories called 'Briefs - a collection of short stories'. Hopefully to entice you to buy the book to read what happens.

I hope you enjoy. Don't forget you can buy the book as an ebook at amazon or as a hard copy by following one of the links below:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009C8TC96

 https://www.createspace.com/3962688


The Dish, Taken Cold

He tried to look into those deep blue eyes, digging deep to find something, anything. Once they had held him, seduced him by their sea and sky. Her eyes alone could have won anything they desired from him. But now none of that; all he could see were the images at the end of his surprise trip to their home. Where there was perfection, was now shattered ruin.

Watching her, without hearing what she was saying, he realised how easy it would be to give in to temptation, to put his hands around her porcelain neck. Surely there would have to be some pleasure to see her wince in pain and those deceitful eyes plead with him? Or…he stopped himself. What had a psychologist once said to him? Something along the lines of, ‘we all have psychopathic tendencies, with the only difference being everyone else is able to control them and a psychopath is not.’ Of course he could not do it here, in public, but maybe later at home in private.’ Angry with himself for having such terrible thoughts he knocked the sugar bowl over and thousands of crystals spilled onto their table.

“Where are you today, sweetheart?” Emily put one hand on his.

He pulled his away and caught her raised eyebrows.  Quickly he reached for his coffee. He would not stoop to public confrontation. That was not how he had been raised, to air his dirty laundry in public, particularly not in what had become their favourite café over the last six months. Many a coffee had been had here to plan for their most special day. Today had been arranged to go over last minute details.........

Church at Dookie - for something different :)