New Year's Resolution

Next Year

It is the same drugs, including amphetamines, ice and alcohol, with the same problems of abuse, sexual and physical and the usual dispute about children and property, with the only difference being the outlook from the office and the sound of the rolling waves, a reminder that this really has been a sea change. 

Sighing Samantha picks up another file. She does not know if she can stand to read more misery. How much misery can one really take in? At least she does not have to lead the live of the people she reads about.

Normally Samantha does not mind going to work. She does not love her work, but tolerates it and does not see herself as a career woman. It is a job that pays the bills, and of course it provides enough income for the occasional holiday. Samantha knows she has it better than most, she at least has options, options of finding another job in another town. But then, deep down she realizes nothing will change. The job will be the same no matter what town she is in.

Max’s words, as he had kissed her that morning, echo in her ears. “It’s only temporary babe, remember that.”

But was it really temporary? The last time they had said it was only temporary she had ended up working for over two years at the small country firm.  And here she was again, having to take a job, a job she would rather not do. Sure, there were others who loved doing this type of work. There were some who probably would not want to do anything else. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought of some of the opponents she had left behind. What would this town be like?

A glance at the clock reminded her she had five more hours before she could call it a day. Five long hours of sitting and reading through files and trying to make a plan of how to best move each matter forward. It was amazing how much detail people insisted they share about their private life.

By the time five o’clock came around Samantha was ready to resign, but she knew she could not. Max needed her to see this job through for a just a little longer. He had promised that next year they would try have a baby. By next year Max thought he would have recovered enough for them to survive on just one income. Next year, would next year really come wondered Samantha? Again she had heard the promise before. Was it four years ago Max had first used the next year line? Maybe, it didn’t matter. She loved him and she would do anything for him, even continue her work as a family lawyer. 

Meet new characters of romance novel

Counsel's Objection

Chapter 1

 “Your Honor if I may submit….” Sarah started trying to inject confidence into her voice by speaking slightly louder than she normally did.     

“Ms Hemming, please, you are not going to persist with those submissions are you? I mean really.” The eyes rolled upwards as the words dripped from the Judge’s thin mouth, the tips of his long fingers tapping against one another as if beating to an unheard rhythm.   

Sarah, shoulders back and head held high, tried to ignore the sneer from the ravenously handsome solicitor opposing her. Ever since he had stepped into Court her body and mind had gone on a frolic. I’m a lawyer, she repeated like a mantra to force her mind to focus on the job at hand instead of straying into territory she rather not right now.    

That morning, when there had been no opponent, her self-confidence had soared, only to crash when her opponent had arrived with a great flourish and “my apologies to the Court your Honor, you know what city traffic is like,” which had elicited a smile from his Honor. She had resisted the urge to run and throw up.

She knew the second her nostrils picked up Armani cologne it was him. Oh how hard she had worked to rid clothes, sheets and furniture of that scent after he had dumped her. And when she heard his deep voice, the handful of butterflies multiplied, her hands desperately hanging on to the edge of the table, to stop herself from fainting. If only she was somewhere else. Of all the solicitors and all of the courts, why was he here?  

            “Your Honor, if I may…”

“Mr Southgate?” The Judge shifted his steely blue eyes to Sarah’s opponent, with a visible shift in demeanor. Typical boys club.

“Why don’t you stand our matter in the list,” Southgate spoke slowly, his deep voice travelling through the courtroom with ease before he paused, as if gathering his thoughts. “And give us a marking at two. This way my friend and I can have some meaningful discussions.” Sarah could not help but see the bright smile her opponent was giving the Judge, with the lifeline of having the morning with no case to hear. Was it her imagination or had he emphasized the last few words?

Realizing round one had been lost, Sarah clenched her fists under the table with her eyes fixed on the paper in front of her. It was clear now Markus was going to drag this out for as long as possible. If he thought he could simply rail road her into some settlement just before two so he could collect a full days fee, she had news for him.

“Very well,” the Judge replied. “Not before two.”

The hairs on the back of her neck were bristling as she stalked past Markus, head held high. If he wanted a fight, she was up for it.   

“A word?” he whispered with that irresistible boyish smile and a twinkle in those deep blue eyes.  

Sarah ushered her client into one of the many small interview rooms to explain what was happening. Since she had not anticipated anyone appearing for the husband in this case she had told her client the matter would take ten minutes at most, just procedural issues needed to be dealt with. However, since the husband today was legally represented and Southgate wanted to talk they might be here for a while. 

“Your husband’s solicitor wants to have a word,” she explained to her client, a mousy thirty something woman who had discovered her husband had been cheating on her for most of their marriage.

“He’s very handsome. Do you know him?” Her client sounded envious.

More than know him. “In a way,” she replied avoiding direct eye contact.

“He’s good isn’t he?”

Sarah stopped. Of course Markus was good, but so was she and she had come a long way since their little fling. “He’s just doing his job.” She said flatly and turned to run straight into him as they both opened the door at the same time, he from the outside, she from the inside. He smiled giving her a gallant wave past him. Sarah closed the door firmly before taking a step away from the interview room to make sure her client could not hear their conversation as well as put a safe distance between Markus and herself.   

“Long time no see.”

            “You wanted to talk?” she asked surprised how cool and business like she sounded, not at all how she felt.

Trouble was, though, she was crumbling under his gaze. Those deep blue eyes dared to travel over her, undress her, here in public at the Family Court and she was defenseless. Instinctively she wanted to run a hand down her blouse to check for undone buttons, but resisted focusing on something just past his face. And so they stood.  

 “How’ve you been?” He broke the silence first. “You’ve changed your hair.” 

At the last sentence she felt color rise to her cheeks. There had been a few changes after he had dumped, her hair the main one. Once she never paid much attention to it, but now with weekly visits to the hairdresser she kept it in a sleek bob, not a hair out of place. The other change had been the color, changing from an ordinary brown to a golden honey. Her hairdresser had insisted it matched her skin and eyes. “Your proposal?” Sarah folded her arms as she spoke, making only minimal eye contact. Enough reminiscing, time to move on, the clock was ticking. There was not much money in this case. 

“What no pleasantries?” He scoffed. “I like the new look by the way.” There was a pause as his left hand gently tucked her hair behind her left ear. “It makes you look,” his voice trailed off as he moved his hand. 

It took all of her self control not to throw herself into those strong arms. “I don’t get paid for small talk.” She was pleased with the coolness in her voice, her confidence growing. She could pull this off. She could run this case even if Markus was going to oppose her. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve turned into a bitchy family law solicitor?” He said raising his eyebrows in mock horror. “Is that why you have the new hair do?”

Now she fixed him with cold eyes. “I’ll see you in court at two. I’ll be making an application for costs thrown away.” 

...............................................................look out for Counsel's Objection the novel.

Without Fear or Favour

I thought my day was going to be easy since defending an octogenarian for a minor misdemeanour could not be difficult, but when the interpreter said. “I can’t understand your client,” things no longer looked so rosy. How could I run a hearing without an interpreter, with my client barely speaking let alone understanding English? I simply couldn’t.

“I don’t understand your submission Ms Weenberger.”

I struggled to grasp what I was hearing. Did the Magistrate mean he did not understand what I was saying? I was telling him my client did not speak Greek but Macedonian, whereas the interpreter spoke Greek.

Somewhere deep down, an uneasy feeling started to creep in. Suddenly the old court-room seemed to shrink to an even smaller area, with the Magistrate growing visibly in stature sitting on his throne like chair underneath the familiar Australian emblem, towering over me like a vulture, his black gown wrapped around him making him appear extra fierce. If only I was somewhere else.

“Ms Weenberger I trust you are ready to proceed?” It was as though the Magistrate had not heard what I had said only minutes earlier.

I was not sure if it was my imagination or if his Honour’s voice was icier than usual this morning. And why was it the man could not get my name right. I want to yell it is Weinberger your Honour, like wine, but I kept quiet.

“Your Honour, there appears to be a problem with the interpreter.” I try again, focusing on sounding calm and in control of the situation. There was no point letting on I was ready to throw up. Memories of my ballet teacher surfaced. She used to say ‘It is not what you dance but how you dance it. If you look confident, no one will know you have made a mistake.’ So with my shoulders back and head held high, I go into battle.

“What do you mean, there is a problem with the interpreter, Ms Weenberger?”

Again I ignore the mispronunciation of my name, wondering what would trigger the Magistrate’s sympathy, or if indeed he had any.

“Apparently the interpreter cannot understand my client because my client does not speak Greek and yet the interpreter does. My client speaks,” I am interrupted mid sentence unable to tell his Honour what my client speaks.

“Ms Weenberger, where was your client born?” There was definitely no hint of sympathy or understanding.

I cringe as I realize I am flogging a dead horse. My client looks older than his eighty–six years, yet there seems no compassion from Magistrate Mullens.  How could he be so heartless?

“In Greece, your Honour,” I reply fighting the urge to run out of court.

“And where did he live during most of his life Ms Weenberger?”

I am not sure if spit actually hit me, but it would have been close.

“Greece your Honour, but..” I try to explain.

I get no further.

“Ms Weenberger it is obvious is it not? Your client was born in Greece, he lived in Greece, he speaks Greek!” Mullens pauses to rearrange some papers before he continues.

“Sergeant, please continue.”

..............................

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Revenge after Separation

Revenge after separation

Scrolling through the telephone Max had left behind was something Kim had not meant do to. In hindsight she had no idea what had possessed her to pick up the phone and scroll through text message, but she had, something she now regretted.

There was no answer when she rang the number, a number that was stored under S for Sexy. A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled how Max used to whisper into her ear “You’re so sexy darling,” right before his hand found her buttocks.

Trying hard to push aside any of those memories, of Max making love to her in front of the fire place, of Max bringing her breakfast in bed, of Max, stop it she shouted at herself and went to the cd player to turn on the music. Perhaps loud noise would be enough of a distraction.

Glancing at the clock Kim realized Max would be home in an hour. The beeping of her own phone momentarily distracted her.

‘sorry babe got to go to work meeting will be home a bit later – sorry sexy xxoo’

Part of her could not believe he called her sexy and the other part started planning her revenge. If Max was going to be late he would get the welcome home he deserved.

Quickly Kim got to work. First she sent a text message to sexy, hoping there was only one woman he was seeing as opposed to several, telling this woman that Max could not make it tonight because of an urgent doctors appointment. According to the message Max had been suffering pain in his penis since their last rendezvous and he was keen to get it checked out. Preliminary investigation pointed to a sexual disease of some sort.

Next, Kim packed all of Max’s clothes into a box after she had cut holes into most of his t-shirts and cut the crutch out of all his pants. Since he could not keep his dick in his pants there was not need for a crotch as far as she could tell.

Two hours later, her job done, boxes piled out the front, Kim locked the door and left. On the door there was a note for Max.

Sipping champagne and soaking in a hot spa bath at the most expensive hotel in town, the room charged to Max’ credit card, Kim stared at her phone as message after message appeared on the small screen.

‘what’s going on babe?’

‘where r u babe?’

‘what the fuck r you playing at?’

Eventually she grew tired and simply switched the phone off.

A week later Kim went to see a lawyer. There had been a visit from a nice police officer as well as some threatening messages from Max. She needed to know what she should do.

By the time she left her lawyer Kim had another plan. It had not been too difficult to work out who S for sexy was and armed with the address and a can of spray paint Kim found the woman.

It did not take long to write ‘home wrecker’ on the pavers in the front yard of the address. Unfortunately it did not make her fell better. The empty hollow feeling was still there.

On the way home Kim made a few phone calls.

“Yes, I know you’ll keep the deposit we paid to have our reception at your place but I cannot do anything about that. I understand your policy. No there will not be a wedding. At least not next month.”

By the time the church, reception, photographer and cater had been cancelled Kim felt worn out. The collision was not a huge one, but one that meant she received a cut to her forearm, resulting in a trip to hospital.

The young doctor attending to her was great. He was good looking, charming and funny. Once her wound was dressed he asked how she was going to get home.

It was then she burst into tears.

Several hours later Jack, the doctor from hospital, lowered her gently onto her couch and then proceeded to the kitchen to see what was in the fridge for dinner.

After two glasses of wine and some pain killers Kim drifted off to sleep. The last thing she remembered was jack telling her he would make sure he would look after her. What a great world we live in, thought Kim. You never knew what or who was around the next corner. Perhaps leaving Max had been a blessing in disguise. 

Living next door to your ex spouse

So you have finally separated from your ex. It has been a difficult road, but you have come out at the other end. Finally the abuse the swearing and insults have stopped. You are free to do as you please.  The world is your oyster. Or so at least you thought.

The for sale sign on the place next door did not worry you. In fact you are excited to find out who your neighbor is going to be when you see ‘sold’ plastered all over the sign. You contemplate throwing a party to welcome the newcomer to your neighborhood. You dream of your new neighbor turning out to be your next date, the person you might even end up spending the rest of your life with.

It is at this point you know you have definitely moved on from your ex spouse.

In anticipation you watch the removal truck unload household goods and personal items. With great pleasure you feel a sense of familiarity as you watch and imagine your first meeting with your new neighbor.

“Hi,” you say with a big smile in your best Sunday outfit.

“Hi,” replies your neighbor quietly.

“It’s a great place you’ve got there.” You know this sounds silly but you plough on anyway. First meetings can be so awkward.

The ringing of the telephone means you have to run inside and abandon your prime position. Seeing your new date will have to wait.

“I’m moving,” it is your ex spouse. As if someone had tipped a bucket of ice water over you, you stiffen.

“So? Why are you telling me?” your mind is busy trying to work out what the purpose of this call is. What does it matter to you? There must be a hidden agenda. There always was.

“No need to be rude,” the voice of your ex has risen slightly.

“No need to shout.” You are getting defensive.

“I wasn’t shouting.”

“Anyway,” you move toward the window to see if your new neighbor has arrived yet. “What do you want.”

“Why do you straight away assume I want something?” your ex hisses.

“Because you always want something.” This is getting silly.

A car pulls into the driveway. It is a black sports number. Nice. You like it. You imagine getting a ride in it.

“Look if there’s nothing else. I’ve got to go. Good luck,” You do not wait for an answer. You hang up and rush out the door. As you pass the mirror you quickly check lunch is not still somewhere on your face. No, you look presentable.

The smile plastered across your face instantly turns into a frown when you get a look at your neighbor. You cannot believe. There must be a mistake?

“You hung up on me prick.” Your ex now shouts across the driveway and gives you the finger before walking toward the front door.

As you watch you cannot believe what you have just seen. This is like your worst nightmare, or pretty close to it.

You go back into your own home and pace the length of the living room. You need a plan and you need it quickly. 

Four weeks later you shut the front door and say good bye to your house. It was a difficult decision, but one that had to be made. Who wants to live next to their ex, not you that’s for sure. 

The Dish, taken cold

He tried to look into those deep blue eyes, digging deep to find something, anything. Once they had held him, seduced him by their sea and sky. Her eyes alone could have won anything they desired from him. But now none of that; all he could see were the images at the end of his surprise trip to their home. Where there was perfection, was now shattered ruin.

Watching her, without hearing what she was saying, he realised how easy it would be to give in to temptation, to put his hands around her porcelain neck. Surely there would have to be some pleasure to see her wince in pain and those deceitful eyes plead with him? Or…he stopped himself. What had a psychologist once said to him? Something along the lines of, ‘we all have psychopathic tendencies, with the only difference being everyone else is able to control them and a psychopath is not.’ Of course he could not do it here, in public, but maybe later at home in private.’ Angry with himself for having such terrible thoughts he knocked the sugar bowl over and thousands of crystals spilled onto their table.

“Where are you today, sweetheart?” Emily put one hand on his.

He pulled his away and caught her raised eyebrows.  Quickly he reached for his coffee. He would not stoop to public confrontation. That was not how he had been raised, to air his dirty laundry in public, particularly not in what had become their favourite café over the last six months. Many a coffee had been had here to plan for their most special day. Today had been arranged to go over last minute details.........

Pre Nuptial Agreements

To sign or not to sign that is the question.

Imagine the candlelight dinner, the champagne the expensive ring and then the question every girl wants to hear, not.

“Darling would you mind just signing your rights away please, just in case it does not work out between us?”

A bucket of ice might be kinder than the man of your dreams uttering those words.

What will you do? Anything, since you love this man, you worship the ground he walks on. He is the father of your children? Or is he? What if there are children? Will you be destitute? It does not bear thinking about. 

That night as you lie awake replaying the most romantic dinner ever had, those few little words come back to haunt you. No, not the once will you marry, those other ones, those about signing some document to make sure you will not make a claim on his fortune should the marriage not work out.

Sure, you had been surprised he raised it when he did, but you could see his point. He had worked hard to get to where he was financially. It was what made him attractive, he worked hard, had goals. Not one of those aimless drifters your girlfriends dated. Not like Jonathan who could be found down by the beach every day. No, Ken was different. He was, what was he? For some reason none of the brilliant things you normally think about him come to mind.

Was he a self centred bastard obsessed with money? He must be, why else would he want to ensure none of his fortune is lost at the end of the marriage. And what’s with the prediction of the end of the marriage? Was he playing around already? Was he not sure? Was he having second thoughts?

It does not matter. Whichever you look at it now something is missing from the relationship. Could he have brought it up more tactfully? You know the answer is no.

Perhaps Ken is not the right man after all. Perhaps there is someone more generous around the corner, someone who will not mind sharing his or her fortune for better or for worse, for richer or poorer and for married or separated. 

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HAPPY READING

Not quite a celebrity property settlement, but.....

I stare at the client, your average man, fifty something who has taken up with a younger chick and finds himself separated, and know he is not going to like what I have to say. 

Choosing my words carefully, trying to soften the blow as much as I can I start with; “It is always difficult to know with certainty what a Judge or Magistrate would do in a case like yours but I would say the range could be somewhere between thirty five to forty five percent.” I brace for the explosions, there is always an explosion in cases like this. 

His face contorts as though he is trying not to pass wind. The news has hit him harder than I expected. Not even softening the blow by giving him a really low range as a starting point has helped to ease the pain.

“But I,” he starts and the words fail him.

Solemnly I nod. I don’t utter the words, yes life sucks and it is not fair, but try and make my facial expression convey them. Unfortunately I don’t think I am succeeding.

“How can this WOMAN just come in and take nearly half of what I have worked for over twenty years? How can THAT be RIGHT?”

As tempting as it is to tell the man that this is not about right or wrong, or justice or anything other than the fact that there is now a young child who needs to be looked after, I do not. “Well, you see it is the child that increase the percent for your ex partner.” I am careful not to use the word wife.

Seconds, minutes pass and the man stares at his hands. If he could he would throw something, I can tell from his eyes.

“But I have worked for all these things. She’s done nothing. It's mine,...” the words trail off.

Again I resist the temptation to point out the obvious, which is that she had sex with him. Often men do not like to be reminded of that, some even telling me it was not even good sex, a statement for which I have no answer. “Do you know how much she wants?” Perhaps it is not all bad. Some women do not want much at all. 

Shaking his head he sighs. “Yesterday she told me she’d go me for every penny she can.”

A fighter I think and try not to smile. Did she mean it though? Maybe.

“Why don’t you simply wait and see what she does?” I suggest for no reason other than to say something.

Again there is a moment of silence before he speaks. “Should I get rid of my toys?”

“What toys?”

“I have a plane and cars and things. A mate said I should get rid of them?”

“How much did you pay for that advice?” I ask avoiding the question.

“Nothing.”

Tactfully I point out that that is exactly how much that advice was worth.

“So you think she’ll get something?”

I nod gravely, trying to tell this man who is worth several millions, it is not fair but that is how it is.

As he leaves I know he will not be back, as people who do not hear what they want to hear go elsewhere, until they find a parrot.

I should have been brutally hones with him and simply said “Mate, the minute you have children with the other sex, it is going to hurt in more than one way. Most of all in the hip pocket." 

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Celebrity Spouses worth millions

The honeymoon is over, as is breakfast in bed, early morning coffee and holding hands while strolling along the beach.

 Well, maybe you never did some of those things but fact of the matter is, two people who once loved each other now cannot stand each other, maybe even hate each other. Forgotten are the woves for better or for worse, for richer of for poorer. The only thing anyone is interested in now is how much am I worth. 

The credit card has been taken away and access to the joint account denied. There is no doubt the rose coloured glasses have been taken off and gloves been put on.

Judging by news reports and web sites dedicated to reporting on celebrity break ups, you are not alone.

The difference between your break up and that of a celebrity couple are I imagine are fairly small and can be summarised briefly.

For starters you would not have your dirty laundry splattered all over tabloids and the Internet, with your dirty laundry only being aired in Court, or possibly on facebook or in front of family and friends. A much smaller audience you would agree. The intensity of the fight, argument or dispute is no doubt the same. 

It is rumoured that Danielle Spencer will get twenty five million dollars in a property settlement. Tiger Woods x wife received a huge amount of money as did the ex wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I can hear some of you say, yes, but these women deserved every penny for what they had to endure, which of course might be true. But wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall when a celebrity couple attends mediation to try and come up with an amicable settlement?

I can just imagine the arguments celebrity couples have over Gucci watches, Klein underwear and European sports cars.

“Tell him that if he is looking for his Klein underwear he can check at the local rubbish tip.” Hissed Samantha at her lawyer, scrunching up a handkerchief in her small hands, which she had brought for the tears she had been able to turn on when needed. It had not been her best performance, but it had served its purpose.

Some time out had been called for by Trevor’s legal team, perhaps he needed another hit of something. If it had not been for his expensive drug habit they would now be arguing over twenty three million dollars as opposed to twenty million dollars. And that blond bimbo, how dare him bring her along to rub those large boobs of the new chick into her face? It was not her fault that the boob job she had done last year did not quite turn out as she had imagined. How dare him bring this up now in their darkest hour? Had the pain she had to endure not been enough?

“What about his offer of giving you half of the money and one of the mansions in LA?”

Samantha’s thoughts were interrupted by the voice of her lawyer.

Pouting she replied. “Which one?”

The lawyer momentarily looked confused. “Which one what?”

There is a sigh, one of those is this man an idiot sigh and why did I not hire the great white, the nickname given to the fiercest divorce lawyer in town, before she explained patiently. “Which mansion?” At about a thousand dollars an hour she had expected more from her lawyer.

“Ahm,” there is some shuffling of papers as her lawyer is looking for something.

“If HE wants me to have the Park Avenue one, forget it. I want the Hill one.”

Struggling to write down his client’s instructions Arthur, Samantha’s lawyer, was distracted by a knock on the door.

A tall slim woman with pencil skirt so tight it looks like a second skin, blond shoulder length hair and tight white blouse appeared at the door. Samantha is reminded of the serpent visiting Adam and Eve. The smile is plastered onto the plastic looking face of the woman.

“A word please Arthur?”

Her voice is like a deep purr and Samantha instantly regretted hiring a man for this job. A cat fight was what she wanted not a mauling. Sighing Samantha watched as her lawyer, who by now was nearly drooling and falling over himself to follow the temptress, walked into the den of the lioness. Maybe she could make do with ten million and one of the mansions.

I wonder which legal system Danielle and Russell will use, the US one or the Australian one? Let’s watch this space.

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Russell Crowe separates from his wife Danielle Spencer

Another one bites the dust.

I know these are musical lyrics that have nothing to do with separation, family law or marriage break up, but they are very apt I think.

I wonder how Russell broke the news to his ex (assuming the newspaper report is correct)? Did he sent an sms or did Danielle read about it in the Sydney Morning Herald or some other newspaper before confronting Russell about it?

Perhaps that is how they both found out it was all over, reading a tabloid in different countries, at different times.

If so, was it a relieve to them? It could be. I know plenty of people agonise over how to tell their spouse that it is all over. There have been occasions where I have done it for them, in my great role as divorce lawyer, bearer of all bad news. I have been asked to write a letter, which goes something like this (all names are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone)

Allright and Kindcare Solicitors

Date: 5 August 2012

Cynthia Reckless

6 Mumph Street

Mumphis

Dear Madam

RE: Property Settlement and Divorce

We confirm we act on behalf Argus Dickhead who has come to see us in relation to ensuring you know the relationship is over. Apparently you have shown some difficulty in accepting the news, to the point where you downright refuse to leave our client in peace, following him into the bedroom and forcing yourself upon him. Whilst we are on this topic we are instructed to request that all future sexual advances stop. Our client is adamant it is over.

To summarise our client’s position we are instructed as follows:

The two of you lived together for about two years, before getting married on 5 August 2002. There are no children of the relationship but significant assets, which will need to be taken into consideration for property settlement.

Please ensure you move out of the former matrimonial home no later than seven days from receipt of this letter, failing which our client will have you removed from the property by an eviction notice.

We suggest you obtain some legal advice and have your lawyer contact our office as soon as possible so we may work out an amicable solution to property distribution.

Yours faithfully

David Verbose Junior

I don’t know why it is that a spouse (or ex spouses) would get upset by such a letter, it is friendly enough in tone. What does it matter that it arrived on their tenth wedding anniversary and was perhaps a little dismissive of the feelings of the wife?

If Danielle had not idea the relationship was over, seeing Russell is in the US and she is in Australia, reading about it in the paper was probably a blessing in disguise. What better way to let your ex know it is all over then by leaking the story to a major newspaper (trouble for us ordinary folk is not many newspapers would be interested). Saves you the money of paying a lawyer to do it.

Of course we cannot assume it was Russell who ended it. It might have been Danielle. Maybe Danielle sent him an sms, or telephoned him?

As Melvin Goodheart, aka Fozzy, my character in the novel Just and Equitable, would say to Russell, “maate better that way then the way I found out, mate!!!” There would be a wink of the eye and a nudge in the ribs, and I am here to tell you Fozzy is right, as he finds out in the most nasty of ways that his marriage is on the rocks. Something you would not wish upon your worst enemy.

Maybe it was a civil discussion between Russell and Danielle over dinner one night.

Russell: “I say dear that steak is a bit too well done for my liking.”

Danielle: “What do you mean? That is how I have always cooked your steak. You like your steak well done.”

Russell with pronounced English accent assuming a character out of an English novel: “Well no my dear. You see that is exactly why we are not compatible.”

Danielle taking a sip of wine replies: “What do you mean we are not compatible? Have you been reading the tabloids again? I thought we agreed we would not.
Russell: “My dear there is not easy way to this. I do not like my steak over cooked. I like my steak medium rare. There are lots of things I do not like. It is over.”

Danielle: “Hand me the sauce would you darling?”

Russell: “Have you been listening to anything I have said?”

Danielle: “No darling but then that is why we are still married. And you need to work on that English accent, it’s not quite there. What exactly were you rehearsing for by the way?”

Or something like that.

I have to pause and say I do not know either Russell Crowe or his wife and am only using them as an example as they seem to be the latest celebrity couple to bite the dust. If it had been someone else I could have used them.

I see people who separate on a daily basis. It is my other job, a divorce lawyer as some people call them.

And I hear about hundreds of different ways that relationships end. None of the ones that I hear about are done in a civil amicable manner. The majority, are messy and often involve accidental discoveries of extra martial affairs or some other misdemeanour like gambling or drinking.

All these fantastic electronic media like facebook, twitter, email, sms and mobile telephones lead to a great many discoveries that were not available even ten years ago.

A mobile telephone left unattended is picked up by the wife/husband. An innocent scroll through the phone reveals text messages like:

‘hello u sexy thing – in hot tub wish u were her – imagine if your wife knew lol – can’t wait to see you strip off…..’

or

‘running late – room booked under Manuel Gonzales – could not think of other name – can you bring cash this time? Xxxooo wait for me naked will u?’

or

‘sex last night was great – was there trouble when u got home? How about lunch? I’m hungry for more xxooJ

and so on.

Unfortunately it is a most disappointing way to find out your relationship has come to an end, but then I imagine there is no happy or pleasant way to discover a relationship has come to an end. Even in the most amicable of circumstances there would be sadness, with a realisation that a change is coming.

If you are thinking of leaving or ending your relationship we suggest you do not try these at home:

1.     Putting it on facebook.

2.     Making a utube recording.

3.     Using twitter, which would be great as it does not require many characters to say it is over.

4.     Sending an email and copying in family and friends.

5.     Front page advertisement in daily newspaper.

I have no real suggestions to add that might work. The only advice I can give is try and keep your sense of humour, that is what keeps my client’s going even in the toughest of times.

But if you want to read stories about people surviving relationship break downs I encourage you to read Briefs a collection of short stories.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/fictio

More on ebooks and marketing

I have to say I am getting more and more inspired the more I read about ebooks and the benefits of publishing ebooks.

Don't get me wrong, I cannot boast great sales or anything like that, yet. But I am reading a lot about epublishing and think I am getting to know a bit more about it.

For starters, marketing your ebook is no different to writing your book in the first place, or good writing full stop. According to marketing strategies, words are important. How many times have I been told that in good writing every word counts? Countless times (excuse the pun). And here I am trying to market an ebook only to find that words are so important, again.

And so here I find myself thinking again what my short stories are about and why would people want to read them? Well, most of the stories in Brief are about relationships. There are failed relationships, as well as dysfunctional relationships and those that are non existent. Thus, Briefs is about people and their vulnerability. It is about leaving your partner/husband/wife and being left and once left how one copes. There are tips on revenge and getting even, with some of those even being put into practise.

Of course to present a balance viewed there is also a romance, a story about the first time and a father who faces an uphill battle to get to spend time with his daughter. A dragon also features, as does a lawyer reading a will.

The statistics for people who separate and divorce in our society are around fifty percent, which means the stories in Briefs should speak to most of you. But if none of those stories entice you I suggest you look for my husband's stories called 'Running in the Mist', which you can find on amazon or Smash Words (published under his name Gerard Thistleton).

As I leave you tonight I am already wondering how to improve my description of what Briefs is about. I think the more times you writer a blurb about your own book the better you get at it. So bear with me.

Till tomorrow - Tschuess

Running in the mist :)

Ebooks the way of the future

As I was debating what to write about for today's post I had initially envisaged writing about the word again, but alas it is a bit late and I fear I will not make much sense of my jumbled thoughts on the matter. Thus I decided to write some more on the ebook.

Marketing skills on the increase, I hope, I am getting more and more armed with information on ebooks and their benefits to writers. Of course I am still a bit dubious about this claim, particularly as I can see no benefits to my books so far (I know it is early days). Please do not get me wrong, I understand my little book is competing against thousands, no maybe hundred of thousands of books published electronically. A lot of those would be by authors who are well known.

What amazes me is that anyone ever finds us self published authors. I feel like a fish in the ocean, swimming for days without seeing another fish. Who could forget the scene in Finding Nemo where Nemo and Dory are swimming without anyone else around? That is exactly how I feel. Who will ever discover my book and if they do why would they buy it?

I am sure other authors must have similar feelings but I have to say, browsing sites such as Smash Words and Amazon makes me feel smaller and smaller by the minute with the body of water growing by the second.

Is there anything I can do about it? I guess I could give up writing, but I am not quite at that stage, yet.

When I think back to the days where I was starting out as a lawyer it was probably not much different. It was difficult to get a job. Advertisement for lawyers required at least two years pae (it took some time for me to work out this acronym stood for post admission experience) when I had none. Then when I had a year or so of pae, the job ads asked for three or four years pae. I felt as though I was always just behind the eight ball. Now some ten or more years later I no longer look at job ads, nor do I look at how much poe the job requires, I simply go and find work (if I am looking for another job).

I am sure one day I will be writing about my publishing experience and tell other people about the persistence and hard work one has to go through to get there. Until then I will struggle on with promoting by book Briefs and at the same time work on my novel Just and Equitable.

As it is Saturday night here in Australia I wish the rest of you a good weekend. Enjoy :)

A tiny fish in a big ocean :)

E Book

I guess to refer to an electronic book would be too long, thus the shortening to e book. Isn't it great how we adapt the word to suit our needs. Once upon a time a book would have only been a hard cover book. Then we moved on to the paper back and now we have electronic books, aptly called ebooks.

It has taken me some time to get used to the idea of ebooks, not only from a publishing point of view but also from a reading point of view. To be honest I still like the feel of a book and I have heard other people say this too. But at the same time I am conscious of carrying large books around and buying them. There is no doubt (particularly in Australia where I think paperbacks are expensive) that an ebook is far cheaper (in most instances) than a paper back. And of course not only is it cheaper but you can carry nearly an entire library with you on the range of different reading devices offered these days. I was looking at one of the new kindles, which according to the specifications can accommodate about three thousand books. Imagine carrying that many paperback books with you, an absurd notion I agree.

Of course this leads me to ponder if we really need to carry that many books with us all the time? And I would say that we probably do not. I guess it is more the luxury of knowing we can have access to that many books if we need to. If, by some remote chance, you get stranded on some desert island with your reading device you will be able to spend at least two or three months surrounded by good reading material. I understand this is subject to being able to recharge your devices battery, but I consider this to be only a minor hurdle to be overcome by us resourceful human beings. After all how many of you have watched Madagascar 2 where the people are stranded in the wilderness and the older woman gives a speech about being New Yorkers and thus being resourceful and so on.

 Back to being stranded on the desert island with your electronic device with about three thousand books stored on it. I can definitely see an advantage there. But apart from that I do not think there is much need to be able to carry that many books with you at any one time.

Don't get me wrong. As a writer, a writer who has published an ebook and is planning to publish more ebooks, I am not here to criticise ebooks. I am merely opening up the channels of discussion.

What do you prefer, an ebook or a paperback, or does it not matter to you? At the end of the day I think both have their place and both will be used by different people.

I will leave you to ponder for the night staring at the statues of musicians in a most magical setting. Enjoy :)

Power of the word

Moving on from the post about power words, I pondered the word and language itself (without the power bit). What I mean is, I thought about how powerful language and the word really is and how often we do not pay attention to it, apart from those people who want to use words to entice people to their website to buy their product.

Words are powerful. Words can hurt and uplift. Words break hearts and start love affairs. We use words all the time, in writing in speech and yet we often do not think how other people will interpret what we are saying or what effect they have on people.

As a divorce lawyer in my other life I know how often people use words either inappropriately or without thinking. Having said that let us look at how powerful words are by examining my statement of being a divorce lawyer. Those words conjure up a totally different image in someone's mind than if I had written I am a family lawyer. The words divorce lawyer project someone who is aggressive and shouts at their opponent and fights for their client's rights.

A family lawyer does not nearly sound as aggressive as divorce lawyer (perhaps American television it to blame for this). The words family lawyer sound far more gentle than the words divorce lawyer and yet they mean the same thing. Both types of lawyers, the family lawyer and the divorce lawyer, deal with separation. The difference in terminology is more a cultural one I think. In America people talk and think of divorce lawyers, whereas in Australia and probably the UK too, people talk of family lawyers.

Or think of marriage vows. There are so many words in marriage vows. For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, to honour love cherish and obey and so on. How many people say these vows and really pay attention to them I wonder? No doubt a fair few.

When attending a talk given by someone who was exposed to domestic violence during her marriage she said "I took my marriage vows serious. For better or for worse. Trouble was I did not realise how bad bad was going to be. One day I decided that bad did not include being beaten by my husband on a daily basis and I left. I decided it was ok to break those vows." All powerful emotional words. And so true in so many ways.

I read the blurb for a book by Hal Urban who says that we live in an ocean of words and yet we rarely acknowledge them. What a great statement. I can practically see myself swim amongst millions of words, catching a few as I go along to examine them, occasionally being dragged somewhere 9like an emotional high or low) by a few of them.

Perhaps we should all think more carefully about the way we use our words. Can we be kinder, can we be more positive, can we be more precise? I am sure we all can do those things and more.

Here is someone's writing desk who was brilliant at using words - Goethe!

Power Words

I find it amazing how much I am learning since I published my book and am trying to promote it. I think I am learning more than I did during lectures at law school (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration but pretty close).

The biggest thing I have leaned so far is that writing the book is the easiest of steps in the many steps of publishing and selling books.

Sure, it took time and the editing and formatting took even longer (and there you go, formatting and editing are not really writing the book are they), but promoting the book seems to be a job with no end in sight. In fact, the more I look at marketing and how to go about it, the more daunting the entire process seems.

Apparently simply posting on a blog is not good enough. No, you have to be aware that power words are what draws attention to your blog and posts. So then you have to spend hours searching the world wide web on what exactly power words are, which ones are most effective and once you have all that information you have to be able work out how to use the power words in a sentence.

There must be a simpler way? Maybe not. Maybe I am just a bit tired. Maybe I need to look at it with fresh eyes. Maybe.... (pity maybe is not a power word :( )

On a serious note I have not quite understood this power word concept and will need to do more research on it. In the meantime I shall go back to editing my novel, which I hope to be able to publish before Christmas. It is a novel I have enjoyed writing and I hope you dear reader will love reading it.

As I leave you today I leave you with a view of London Bridge (on the Mornington Peninsula).

Beware of separation agreements

Yes dear reader, I am going to address separation agreements. I agree it is not a topic of fiction, but it is relevant if you have separated or are thinking of separating and ultimately will be entering into some form of separating agreement.

I know it is a legal topic.

I can hear you say why then are you writing about it on this very blog?

Well because I have written a story titled "Skinned" which was published in the Quadrant earlier this year, which deals indirectly with the issue separation agreements.

I don't want to give the story away, as I do not want to ruin it for anyone who has not read it but wants to do so. But if you are in that unfortunate situations where you and your partner have legally separated and are going down the path of signing a separation agreement (in Australia they are usually referred to as consent orders or binding financial agreement), you would do well to get a copy of the story and read it.

If you cannot get the story I give you some tips to remember when reading a proposed separation agreement or when you are giving instructions to your divorce lawyer to draft a separation agreement:

• Make sure you are very specific about what it is you want (for example nominate the registration of the vehicle; give bank account numbers etc.).
• Make sure there are specific time lines set (ie to do something within so many days/weeks/months);
• Make sure there are default clauses (for example if you are supposed to be paid a specific amount of money make sure there is an order that states what is to happen if you do not get paid that amount of money when you should).
• Never have an order that says the parties will 'agree to do x', unless there is a clause that deals with the eventuality of you not agreeing.
• Never have an order that is vague. 

Last, but not least, make sure you do not agree to anything in a hurry or if you feel you are being pressured into something. It is always best to take a step back and take a day or so to think things over as opposed to rush into them.

Good Luck.

View over Gundagai NSW Australia (can you see the dog on the tucker box?)