Counsel's Objection - the second novel is here

Of course she can survive without him

… or can she?

Sarah injected authority into her voice as she told the Judge why her case was superior, and she should win.

But it would be to no avail. Of all the barristers to oppose her, only Markus could leave her with every ounce of confidence gone… and every single nerve end tingling.

That morning, all her efforts to eliminate the ravishingly handsome face from her mind came to nothing the moment he sat at the bar table. After mysteriously vanishing from the legal world for two years, he had simply materialised as if he had never been out of her life.

She once loved him but he was as secretive as he was unattainable. She must get away altogether from this most irresistible of men.

She could not fall in love again…

It is always good to see ones own work in print. 

And here is novel number 2. Oh how sweet that rolls of the tongue, novel number two. 

No longer a debut novel, but no onto the second one. 

Now of course I have to live with the fear of not being able to write novel number 3, 4 and so on. Of course it being NaNoWriMo month I am at least writing everyday on what I think might be novel number three, but who knows. 

For the time being I shall enjoy novel number two being published. 

Happy reading and writing. 

NaNoWriMo - Day 5

Day 5 is here. Where oh where have the last four gone? Are you travelling ok and have you written your daily word count? If so, congratulations.

If you are a little more like me, having found it difficult over the last five days to find the time to write, do not despair. We still have 25 days to go. Full steam ahead from here.

Don't get me wrong. It is not as though I have not written anything. On the contrary, I have made a start on a new novel. With my romance novel about to hit the bookshelves (Counsel's Objection), I thought I should start another one. It is nice to escape the daily grind of listening to people separate and write about people who fall in love.

I may not have written the daily word count of 1666 words, but when I have not written I have done plenty of imagining. Don't underestimate the power of thinking about what you are going to write about, or what your characters might do or say. This morning I was able to spend five minutes of writing on the new novel and I drew on stuff I had thought of during the last few days when I had not been able to write.

So I have some catching up to do, but I am pleased I have made a start and my story is developing.

I hope you too are writing and working on that next novel.

If you still need some tips to help you along don't forget to visit some of the many useful websites out there for aspiring writers.

Here is just one you might find helpful during times you are stuck.

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/complete-nanowrimo-2014-time-management-tricks-distraction-free-apps/

As the post will not count toward my novel word count I better get back to writing the novel.

Hey writer hey writer hey writer ho, hey writer hey writer write, write writer. :)

NaNoWriMo 2014

Ready, set, go.

Its is here again.

Are you excited? Nervous? Bursting to get going? Well you only have to wait one more day before you can make that start [would anyone really know if you started a tiny bit earlier?].

Where has the last year gone?

Is it really a year since I participated in the NaNoWriMo last time.

Sadly, whatever I wrote last year has not seen the light of day. But I will not be deterred and try again. What is that saying, try and try again until you succeed?

Have you got your pencil sharpened, or your ink bottle topped up if you write with a fountain pen, or the pens at the ready to give it a go again?

There are plenty of resources and websites to lend a  helping hand. Feel free to comment on what works best for you.

This year what I will try and do I think is write my daily task by hand. For some reason the words tend to flow more freely when writing with the good old fountain pen on paper.

And then the plan is to type up what I have written in the month of December. Perhaps that could be the TypNoMo [type novel month].

Some websites you may find useful are:

http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/novelwriting/tp/nanowrimotips.htm

http://www.scribendi.com/advice/guide_to_winning_nanowrimo.en.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-blanchard/the-serious-novelists-gui_b_6063494.html

and of course

http://nanowrimo.org/

Keeping in theme with our sons current favourite movie [7 Zwerge - a german film]

Hey writers, hey writers, ho, hey writers, hey writers go, go go!

Second edition on the way

Yes, Just and Equitable is up to the second edition stage.

It seems rather a long time ago that Just and Equitable was accepted for publication and yet it is only just over twelve months ago.

The publisher is now doing a second edition run of the book. A new cover has been chosen and joy oh joy, my second book is coming out soon as well.

As they say, it is all happening.

With another editing run over it is time to go back to the drawing board and start on the next book.

Check out the new cover of Just and Equitable here:

http://www.custombookpublications.com/aweb_just.htm

Just and Equitable Published

Thanks to Custom Book Publications Just and Equitable has been published. It is available for purchase as a paperback at

https://www.createspace.com/4129958


The ebook version is available soon.

The book is for anyone who has separated, is thinking of separating, wants to sound like an expert when advising someone who is separating, or anyone who wants to have a laugh.

Happy reading.

Modern Day Fairy Tale

  

Do you remember the fairy tales, the ones with predicable endings like Snow White, Rapunzel or Sleeping Beauty? If you do you will remember they had one thing in common, a happy ending.

Let me share with you a more modern day tale, with a happy ending.

A long time ago, well maybe not that long ago, there was a young lady (it is after all a story dear reader), who wanted to be a writer.

And in a way she was a writer, a writer of legal documents. As a lawyer letters needed to be written and legal documents and affidavits drafted. But it was not enough. The young lady dreamt of writing a novel and getting it published.

Time permitting, short stories were written and sent off, with the odd one here and there getting published or receiving an award in a writing competition. The novel however, was still only a dream.

Then one day, maybe a couple of years ago, a trip was taken and the seed for an idea was planted and grew. By the end of the four hour car journey Fozzy had been created, as had the plot and ending for Just and Equitable. A novel was in the making.

All that had to happen now, was to start writing.

The road ahead was rocky, to say the least. Like most things in life, it was not easy nor did it happen quickly. It took time, a long time to finish, edit, rewrite and submit.

And then there were the rejection letters.

But as the saying goes, all good things come to those who wait.

It was two days before Christmas, when the long awaited news came.

They were five sweet words, five glorious words from Custom Book Publications; “We would like to publish your book.”

With only a few days to go before Just and Equitable will be available as a paper back, the young lady still cannot believe the story has a happy ending. But it does.

Happy Reading

Look for Just and Equitable by Tanya Thistleton at:

http://www.custombookpublications.com/books.htm

New Year's Resolution

Next Year

It is the same drugs, including amphetamines, ice and alcohol, with the same problems of abuse, sexual and physical and the usual dispute about children and property, with the only difference being the outlook from the office and the sound of the rolling waves, a reminder that this really has been a sea change. 

Sighing Samantha picks up another file. She does not know if she can stand to read more misery. How much misery can one really take in? At least she does not have to lead the live of the people she reads about.

Normally Samantha does not mind going to work. She does not love her work, but tolerates it and does not see herself as a career woman. It is a job that pays the bills, and of course it provides enough income for the occasional holiday. Samantha knows she has it better than most, she at least has options, options of finding another job in another town. But then, deep down she realizes nothing will change. The job will be the same no matter what town she is in.

Max’s words, as he had kissed her that morning, echo in her ears. “It’s only temporary babe, remember that.”

But was it really temporary? The last time they had said it was only temporary she had ended up working for over two years at the small country firm.  And here she was again, having to take a job, a job she would rather not do. Sure, there were others who loved doing this type of work. There were some who probably would not want to do anything else. A shiver ran down her spine as she thought of some of the opponents she had left behind. What would this town be like?

A glance at the clock reminded her she had five more hours before she could call it a day. Five long hours of sitting and reading through files and trying to make a plan of how to best move each matter forward. It was amazing how much detail people insisted they share about their private life.

By the time five o’clock came around Samantha was ready to resign, but she knew she could not. Max needed her to see this job through for a just a little longer. He had promised that next year they would try have a baby. By next year Max thought he would have recovered enough for them to survive on just one income. Next year, would next year really come wondered Samantha? Again she had heard the promise before. Was it four years ago Max had first used the next year line? Maybe, it didn’t matter. She loved him and she would do anything for him, even continue her work as a family lawyer. 

Meet new characters of romance novel

Counsel's Objection

Chapter 1

 “Your Honor if I may submit….” Sarah started trying to inject confidence into her voice by speaking slightly louder than she normally did.     

“Ms Hemming, please, you are not going to persist with those submissions are you? I mean really.” The eyes rolled upwards as the words dripped from the Judge’s thin mouth, the tips of his long fingers tapping against one another as if beating to an unheard rhythm.   

Sarah, shoulders back and head held high, tried to ignore the sneer from the ravenously handsome solicitor opposing her. Ever since he had stepped into Court her body and mind had gone on a frolic. I’m a lawyer, she repeated like a mantra to force her mind to focus on the job at hand instead of straying into territory she rather not right now.    

That morning, when there had been no opponent, her self-confidence had soared, only to crash when her opponent had arrived with a great flourish and “my apologies to the Court your Honor, you know what city traffic is like,” which had elicited a smile from his Honor. She had resisted the urge to run and throw up.

She knew the second her nostrils picked up Armani cologne it was him. Oh how hard she had worked to rid clothes, sheets and furniture of that scent after he had dumped her. And when she heard his deep voice, the handful of butterflies multiplied, her hands desperately hanging on to the edge of the table, to stop herself from fainting. If only she was somewhere else. Of all the solicitors and all of the courts, why was he here?  

            “Your Honor, if I may…”

“Mr Southgate?” The Judge shifted his steely blue eyes to Sarah’s opponent, with a visible shift in demeanor. Typical boys club.

“Why don’t you stand our matter in the list,” Southgate spoke slowly, his deep voice travelling through the courtroom with ease before he paused, as if gathering his thoughts. “And give us a marking at two. This way my friend and I can have some meaningful discussions.” Sarah could not help but see the bright smile her opponent was giving the Judge, with the lifeline of having the morning with no case to hear. Was it her imagination or had he emphasized the last few words?

Realizing round one had been lost, Sarah clenched her fists under the table with her eyes fixed on the paper in front of her. It was clear now Markus was going to drag this out for as long as possible. If he thought he could simply rail road her into some settlement just before two so he could collect a full days fee, she had news for him.

“Very well,” the Judge replied. “Not before two.”

The hairs on the back of her neck were bristling as she stalked past Markus, head held high. If he wanted a fight, she was up for it.   

“A word?” he whispered with that irresistible boyish smile and a twinkle in those deep blue eyes.  

Sarah ushered her client into one of the many small interview rooms to explain what was happening. Since she had not anticipated anyone appearing for the husband in this case she had told her client the matter would take ten minutes at most, just procedural issues needed to be dealt with. However, since the husband today was legally represented and Southgate wanted to talk they might be here for a while. 

“Your husband’s solicitor wants to have a word,” she explained to her client, a mousy thirty something woman who had discovered her husband had been cheating on her for most of their marriage.

“He’s very handsome. Do you know him?” Her client sounded envious.

More than know him. “In a way,” she replied avoiding direct eye contact.

“He’s good isn’t he?”

Sarah stopped. Of course Markus was good, but so was she and she had come a long way since their little fling. “He’s just doing his job.” She said flatly and turned to run straight into him as they both opened the door at the same time, he from the outside, she from the inside. He smiled giving her a gallant wave past him. Sarah closed the door firmly before taking a step away from the interview room to make sure her client could not hear their conversation as well as put a safe distance between Markus and herself.   

“Long time no see.”

            “You wanted to talk?” she asked surprised how cool and business like she sounded, not at all how she felt.

Trouble was, though, she was crumbling under his gaze. Those deep blue eyes dared to travel over her, undress her, here in public at the Family Court and she was defenseless. Instinctively she wanted to run a hand down her blouse to check for undone buttons, but resisted focusing on something just past his face. And so they stood.  

 “How’ve you been?” He broke the silence first. “You’ve changed your hair.” 

At the last sentence she felt color rise to her cheeks. There had been a few changes after he had dumped, her hair the main one. Once she never paid much attention to it, but now with weekly visits to the hairdresser she kept it in a sleek bob, not a hair out of place. The other change had been the color, changing from an ordinary brown to a golden honey. Her hairdresser had insisted it matched her skin and eyes. “Your proposal?” Sarah folded her arms as she spoke, making only minimal eye contact. Enough reminiscing, time to move on, the clock was ticking. There was not much money in this case. 

“What no pleasantries?” He scoffed. “I like the new look by the way.” There was a pause as his left hand gently tucked her hair behind her left ear. “It makes you look,” his voice trailed off as he moved his hand. 

It took all of her self control not to throw herself into those strong arms. “I don’t get paid for small talk.” She was pleased with the coolness in her voice, her confidence growing. She could pull this off. She could run this case even if Markus was going to oppose her. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve turned into a bitchy family law solicitor?” He said raising his eyebrows in mock horror. “Is that why you have the new hair do?”

Now she fixed him with cold eyes. “I’ll see you in court at two. I’ll be making an application for costs thrown away.” 

...............................................................look out for Counsel's Objection the novel.

Without Fear or Favour

I thought my day was going to be easy since defending an octogenarian for a minor misdemeanour could not be difficult, but when the interpreter said. “I can’t understand your client,” things no longer looked so rosy. How could I run a hearing without an interpreter, with my client barely speaking let alone understanding English? I simply couldn’t.

“I don’t understand your submission Ms Weenberger.”

I struggled to grasp what I was hearing. Did the Magistrate mean he did not understand what I was saying? I was telling him my client did not speak Greek but Macedonian, whereas the interpreter spoke Greek.

Somewhere deep down, an uneasy feeling started to creep in. Suddenly the old court-room seemed to shrink to an even smaller area, with the Magistrate growing visibly in stature sitting on his throne like chair underneath the familiar Australian emblem, towering over me like a vulture, his black gown wrapped around him making him appear extra fierce. If only I was somewhere else.

“Ms Weenberger I trust you are ready to proceed?” It was as though the Magistrate had not heard what I had said only minutes earlier.

I was not sure if it was my imagination or if his Honour’s voice was icier than usual this morning. And why was it the man could not get my name right. I want to yell it is Weinberger your Honour, like wine, but I kept quiet.

“Your Honour, there appears to be a problem with the interpreter.” I try again, focusing on sounding calm and in control of the situation. There was no point letting on I was ready to throw up. Memories of my ballet teacher surfaced. She used to say ‘It is not what you dance but how you dance it. If you look confident, no one will know you have made a mistake.’ So with my shoulders back and head held high, I go into battle.

“What do you mean, there is a problem with the interpreter, Ms Weenberger?”

Again I ignore the mispronunciation of my name, wondering what would trigger the Magistrate’s sympathy, or if indeed he had any.

“Apparently the interpreter cannot understand my client because my client does not speak Greek and yet the interpreter does. My client speaks,” I am interrupted mid sentence unable to tell his Honour what my client speaks.

“Ms Weenberger, where was your client born?” There was definitely no hint of sympathy or understanding.

I cringe as I realize I am flogging a dead horse. My client looks older than his eighty–six years, yet there seems no compassion from Magistrate Mullens.  How could he be so heartless?

“In Greece, your Honour,” I reply fighting the urge to run out of court.

“And where did he live during most of his life Ms Weenberger?”

I am not sure if spit actually hit me, but it would have been close.

“Greece your Honour, but..” I try to explain.

I get no further.

“Ms Weenberger it is obvious is it not? Your client was born in Greece, he lived in Greece, he speaks Greek!” Mullens pauses to rearrange some papers before he continues.

“Sergeant, please continue.”

..............................

If you want to read more please buy Briefs a collection of short stories. You can buy your electronic copy by clicking on the following link https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/fictio

or at Amazon.com

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Revenge after Separation

Revenge after separation

Scrolling through the telephone Max had left behind was something Kim had not meant do to. In hindsight she had no idea what had possessed her to pick up the phone and scroll through text message, but she had, something she now regretted.

There was no answer when she rang the number, a number that was stored under S for Sexy. A shiver ran down her spine as she recalled how Max used to whisper into her ear “You’re so sexy darling,” right before his hand found her buttocks.

Trying hard to push aside any of those memories, of Max making love to her in front of the fire place, of Max bringing her breakfast in bed, of Max, stop it she shouted at herself and went to the cd player to turn on the music. Perhaps loud noise would be enough of a distraction.

Glancing at the clock Kim realized Max would be home in an hour. The beeping of her own phone momentarily distracted her.

‘sorry babe got to go to work meeting will be home a bit later – sorry sexy xxoo’

Part of her could not believe he called her sexy and the other part started planning her revenge. If Max was going to be late he would get the welcome home he deserved.

Quickly Kim got to work. First she sent a text message to sexy, hoping there was only one woman he was seeing as opposed to several, telling this woman that Max could not make it tonight because of an urgent doctors appointment. According to the message Max had been suffering pain in his penis since their last rendezvous and he was keen to get it checked out. Preliminary investigation pointed to a sexual disease of some sort.

Next, Kim packed all of Max’s clothes into a box after she had cut holes into most of his t-shirts and cut the crutch out of all his pants. Since he could not keep his dick in his pants there was not need for a crotch as far as she could tell.

Two hours later, her job done, boxes piled out the front, Kim locked the door and left. On the door there was a note for Max.

Sipping champagne and soaking in a hot spa bath at the most expensive hotel in town, the room charged to Max’ credit card, Kim stared at her phone as message after message appeared on the small screen.

‘what’s going on babe?’

‘where r u babe?’

‘what the fuck r you playing at?’

Eventually she grew tired and simply switched the phone off.

A week later Kim went to see a lawyer. There had been a visit from a nice police officer as well as some threatening messages from Max. She needed to know what she should do.

By the time she left her lawyer Kim had another plan. It had not been too difficult to work out who S for sexy was and armed with the address and a can of spray paint Kim found the woman.

It did not take long to write ‘home wrecker’ on the pavers in the front yard of the address. Unfortunately it did not make her fell better. The empty hollow feeling was still there.

On the way home Kim made a few phone calls.

“Yes, I know you’ll keep the deposit we paid to have our reception at your place but I cannot do anything about that. I understand your policy. No there will not be a wedding. At least not next month.”

By the time the church, reception, photographer and cater had been cancelled Kim felt worn out. The collision was not a huge one, but one that meant she received a cut to her forearm, resulting in a trip to hospital.

The young doctor attending to her was great. He was good looking, charming and funny. Once her wound was dressed he asked how she was going to get home.

It was then she burst into tears.

Several hours later Jack, the doctor from hospital, lowered her gently onto her couch and then proceeded to the kitchen to see what was in the fridge for dinner.

After two glasses of wine and some pain killers Kim drifted off to sleep. The last thing she remembered was jack telling her he would make sure he would look after her. What a great world we live in, thought Kim. You never knew what or who was around the next corner. Perhaps leaving Max had been a blessing in disguise. 

Living next door to your ex spouse

So you have finally separated from your ex. It has been a difficult road, but you have come out at the other end. Finally the abuse the swearing and insults have stopped. You are free to do as you please.  The world is your oyster. Or so at least you thought.

The for sale sign on the place next door did not worry you. In fact you are excited to find out who your neighbor is going to be when you see ‘sold’ plastered all over the sign. You contemplate throwing a party to welcome the newcomer to your neighborhood. You dream of your new neighbor turning out to be your next date, the person you might even end up spending the rest of your life with.

It is at this point you know you have definitely moved on from your ex spouse.

In anticipation you watch the removal truck unload household goods and personal items. With great pleasure you feel a sense of familiarity as you watch and imagine your first meeting with your new neighbor.

“Hi,” you say with a big smile in your best Sunday outfit.

“Hi,” replies your neighbor quietly.

“It’s a great place you’ve got there.” You know this sounds silly but you plough on anyway. First meetings can be so awkward.

The ringing of the telephone means you have to run inside and abandon your prime position. Seeing your new date will have to wait.

“I’m moving,” it is your ex spouse. As if someone had tipped a bucket of ice water over you, you stiffen.

“So? Why are you telling me?” your mind is busy trying to work out what the purpose of this call is. What does it matter to you? There must be a hidden agenda. There always was.

“No need to be rude,” the voice of your ex has risen slightly.

“No need to shout.” You are getting defensive.

“I wasn’t shouting.”

“Anyway,” you move toward the window to see if your new neighbor has arrived yet. “What do you want.”

“Why do you straight away assume I want something?” your ex hisses.

“Because you always want something.” This is getting silly.

A car pulls into the driveway. It is a black sports number. Nice. You like it. You imagine getting a ride in it.

“Look if there’s nothing else. I’ve got to go. Good luck,” You do not wait for an answer. You hang up and rush out the door. As you pass the mirror you quickly check lunch is not still somewhere on your face. No, you look presentable.

The smile plastered across your face instantly turns into a frown when you get a look at your neighbor. You cannot believe. There must be a mistake?

“You hung up on me prick.” Your ex now shouts across the driveway and gives you the finger before walking toward the front door.

As you watch you cannot believe what you have just seen. This is like your worst nightmare, or pretty close to it.

You go back into your own home and pace the length of the living room. You need a plan and you need it quickly. 

Four weeks later you shut the front door and say good bye to your house. It was a difficult decision, but one that had to be made. Who wants to live next to their ex, not you that’s for sure. 

The Dish, taken cold

He tried to look into those deep blue eyes, digging deep to find something, anything. Once they had held him, seduced him by their sea and sky. Her eyes alone could have won anything they desired from him. But now none of that; all he could see were the images at the end of his surprise trip to their home. Where there was perfection, was now shattered ruin.

Watching her, without hearing what she was saying, he realised how easy it would be to give in to temptation, to put his hands around her porcelain neck. Surely there would have to be some pleasure to see her wince in pain and those deceitful eyes plead with him? Or…he stopped himself. What had a psychologist once said to him? Something along the lines of, ‘we all have psychopathic tendencies, with the only difference being everyone else is able to control them and a psychopath is not.’ Of course he could not do it here, in public, but maybe later at home in private.’ Angry with himself for having such terrible thoughts he knocked the sugar bowl over and thousands of crystals spilled onto their table.

“Where are you today, sweetheart?” Emily put one hand on his.

He pulled his away and caught her raised eyebrows.  Quickly he reached for his coffee. He would not stoop to public confrontation. That was not how he had been raised, to air his dirty laundry in public, particularly not in what had become their favourite café over the last six months. Many a coffee had been had here to plan for their most special day. Today had been arranged to go over last minute details.........

Pre Nuptial Agreements

To sign or not to sign that is the question.

Imagine the candlelight dinner, the champagne the expensive ring and then the question every girl wants to hear, not.

“Darling would you mind just signing your rights away please, just in case it does not work out between us?”

A bucket of ice might be kinder than the man of your dreams uttering those words.

What will you do? Anything, since you love this man, you worship the ground he walks on. He is the father of your children? Or is he? What if there are children? Will you be destitute? It does not bear thinking about. 

That night as you lie awake replaying the most romantic dinner ever had, those few little words come back to haunt you. No, not the once will you marry, those other ones, those about signing some document to make sure you will not make a claim on his fortune should the marriage not work out.

Sure, you had been surprised he raised it when he did, but you could see his point. He had worked hard to get to where he was financially. It was what made him attractive, he worked hard, had goals. Not one of those aimless drifters your girlfriends dated. Not like Jonathan who could be found down by the beach every day. No, Ken was different. He was, what was he? For some reason none of the brilliant things you normally think about him come to mind.

Was he a self centred bastard obsessed with money? He must be, why else would he want to ensure none of his fortune is lost at the end of the marriage. And what’s with the prediction of the end of the marriage? Was he playing around already? Was he not sure? Was he having second thoughts?

It does not matter. Whichever you look at it now something is missing from the relationship. Could he have brought it up more tactfully? You know the answer is no.

Perhaps Ken is not the right man after all. Perhaps there is someone more generous around the corner, someone who will not mind sharing his or her fortune for better or for worse, for richer or poorer and for married or separated. 

COUPON SPECIAL

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HAPPY READING

Not quite a celebrity property settlement, but.....

I stare at the client, your average man, fifty something who has taken up with a younger chick and finds himself separated, and know he is not going to like what I have to say. 

Choosing my words carefully, trying to soften the blow as much as I can I start with; “It is always difficult to know with certainty what a Judge or Magistrate would do in a case like yours but I would say the range could be somewhere between thirty five to forty five percent.” I brace for the explosions, there is always an explosion in cases like this. 

His face contorts as though he is trying not to pass wind. The news has hit him harder than I expected. Not even softening the blow by giving him a really low range as a starting point has helped to ease the pain.

“But I,” he starts and the words fail him.

Solemnly I nod. I don’t utter the words, yes life sucks and it is not fair, but try and make my facial expression convey them. Unfortunately I don’t think I am succeeding.

“How can this WOMAN just come in and take nearly half of what I have worked for over twenty years? How can THAT be RIGHT?”

As tempting as it is to tell the man that this is not about right or wrong, or justice or anything other than the fact that there is now a young child who needs to be looked after, I do not. “Well, you see it is the child that increase the percent for your ex partner.” I am careful not to use the word wife.

Seconds, minutes pass and the man stares at his hands. If he could he would throw something, I can tell from his eyes.

“But I have worked for all these things. She’s done nothing. It's mine,...” the words trail off.

Again I resist the temptation to point out the obvious, which is that she had sex with him. Often men do not like to be reminded of that, some even telling me it was not even good sex, a statement for which I have no answer. “Do you know how much she wants?” Perhaps it is not all bad. Some women do not want much at all. 

Shaking his head he sighs. “Yesterday she told me she’d go me for every penny she can.”

A fighter I think and try not to smile. Did she mean it though? Maybe.

“Why don’t you simply wait and see what she does?” I suggest for no reason other than to say something.

Again there is a moment of silence before he speaks. “Should I get rid of my toys?”

“What toys?”

“I have a plane and cars and things. A mate said I should get rid of them?”

“How much did you pay for that advice?” I ask avoiding the question.

“Nothing.”

Tactfully I point out that that is exactly how much that advice was worth.

“So you think she’ll get something?”

I nod gravely, trying to tell this man who is worth several millions, it is not fair but that is how it is.

As he leaves I know he will not be back, as people who do not hear what they want to hear go elsewhere, until they find a parrot.

I should have been brutally hones with him and simply said “Mate, the minute you have children with the other sex, it is going to hurt in more than one way. Most of all in the hip pocket." 

Don't forget to check out Briefs - a collection of short stories.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/fictio

Celebrity Spouses worth millions

The honeymoon is over, as is breakfast in bed, early morning coffee and holding hands while strolling along the beach.

 Well, maybe you never did some of those things but fact of the matter is, two people who once loved each other now cannot stand each other, maybe even hate each other. Forgotten are the woves for better or for worse, for richer of for poorer. The only thing anyone is interested in now is how much am I worth. 

The credit card has been taken away and access to the joint account denied. There is no doubt the rose coloured glasses have been taken off and gloves been put on.

Judging by news reports and web sites dedicated to reporting on celebrity break ups, you are not alone.

The difference between your break up and that of a celebrity couple are I imagine are fairly small and can be summarised briefly.

For starters you would not have your dirty laundry splattered all over tabloids and the Internet, with your dirty laundry only being aired in Court, or possibly on facebook or in front of family and friends. A much smaller audience you would agree. The intensity of the fight, argument or dispute is no doubt the same. 

It is rumoured that Danielle Spencer will get twenty five million dollars in a property settlement. Tiger Woods x wife received a huge amount of money as did the ex wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I can hear some of you say, yes, but these women deserved every penny for what they had to endure, which of course might be true. But wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall when a celebrity couple attends mediation to try and come up with an amicable settlement?

I can just imagine the arguments celebrity couples have over Gucci watches, Klein underwear and European sports cars.

“Tell him that if he is looking for his Klein underwear he can check at the local rubbish tip.” Hissed Samantha at her lawyer, scrunching up a handkerchief in her small hands, which she had brought for the tears she had been able to turn on when needed. It had not been her best performance, but it had served its purpose.

Some time out had been called for by Trevor’s legal team, perhaps he needed another hit of something. If it had not been for his expensive drug habit they would now be arguing over twenty three million dollars as opposed to twenty million dollars. And that blond bimbo, how dare him bring her along to rub those large boobs of the new chick into her face? It was not her fault that the boob job she had done last year did not quite turn out as she had imagined. How dare him bring this up now in their darkest hour? Had the pain she had to endure not been enough?

“What about his offer of giving you half of the money and one of the mansions in LA?”

Samantha’s thoughts were interrupted by the voice of her lawyer.

Pouting she replied. “Which one?”

The lawyer momentarily looked confused. “Which one what?”

There is a sigh, one of those is this man an idiot sigh and why did I not hire the great white, the nickname given to the fiercest divorce lawyer in town, before she explained patiently. “Which mansion?” At about a thousand dollars an hour she had expected more from her lawyer.

“Ahm,” there is some shuffling of papers as her lawyer is looking for something.

“If HE wants me to have the Park Avenue one, forget it. I want the Hill one.”

Struggling to write down his client’s instructions Arthur, Samantha’s lawyer, was distracted by a knock on the door.

A tall slim woman with pencil skirt so tight it looks like a second skin, blond shoulder length hair and tight white blouse appeared at the door. Samantha is reminded of the serpent visiting Adam and Eve. The smile is plastered onto the plastic looking face of the woman.

“A word please Arthur?”

Her voice is like a deep purr and Samantha instantly regretted hiring a man for this job. A cat fight was what she wanted not a mauling. Sighing Samantha watched as her lawyer, who by now was nearly drooling and falling over himself to follow the temptress, walked into the den of the lioness. Maybe she could make do with ten million and one of the mansions.

I wonder which legal system Danielle and Russell will use, the US one or the Australian one? Let’s watch this space.

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Russell Crowe separates from his wife Danielle Spencer

Another one bites the dust.

I know these are musical lyrics that have nothing to do with separation, family law or marriage break up, but they are very apt I think.

I wonder how Russell broke the news to his ex (assuming the newspaper report is correct)? Did he sent an sms or did Danielle read about it in the Sydney Morning Herald or some other newspaper before confronting Russell about it?

Perhaps that is how they both found out it was all over, reading a tabloid in different countries, at different times.

If so, was it a relieve to them? It could be. I know plenty of people agonise over how to tell their spouse that it is all over. There have been occasions where I have done it for them, in my great role as divorce lawyer, bearer of all bad news. I have been asked to write a letter, which goes something like this (all names are fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone)

Allright and Kindcare Solicitors

Date: 5 August 2012

Cynthia Reckless

6 Mumph Street

Mumphis

Dear Madam

RE: Property Settlement and Divorce

We confirm we act on behalf Argus Dickhead who has come to see us in relation to ensuring you know the relationship is over. Apparently you have shown some difficulty in accepting the news, to the point where you downright refuse to leave our client in peace, following him into the bedroom and forcing yourself upon him. Whilst we are on this topic we are instructed to request that all future sexual advances stop. Our client is adamant it is over.

To summarise our client’s position we are instructed as follows:

The two of you lived together for about two years, before getting married on 5 August 2002. There are no children of the relationship but significant assets, which will need to be taken into consideration for property settlement.

Please ensure you move out of the former matrimonial home no later than seven days from receipt of this letter, failing which our client will have you removed from the property by an eviction notice.

We suggest you obtain some legal advice and have your lawyer contact our office as soon as possible so we may work out an amicable solution to property distribution.

Yours faithfully

David Verbose Junior

I don’t know why it is that a spouse (or ex spouses) would get upset by such a letter, it is friendly enough in tone. What does it matter that it arrived on their tenth wedding anniversary and was perhaps a little dismissive of the feelings of the wife?

If Danielle had not idea the relationship was over, seeing Russell is in the US and she is in Australia, reading about it in the paper was probably a blessing in disguise. What better way to let your ex know it is all over then by leaking the story to a major newspaper (trouble for us ordinary folk is not many newspapers would be interested). Saves you the money of paying a lawyer to do it.

Of course we cannot assume it was Russell who ended it. It might have been Danielle. Maybe Danielle sent him an sms, or telephoned him?

As Melvin Goodheart, aka Fozzy, my character in the novel Just and Equitable, would say to Russell, “maate better that way then the way I found out, mate!!!” There would be a wink of the eye and a nudge in the ribs, and I am here to tell you Fozzy is right, as he finds out in the most nasty of ways that his marriage is on the rocks. Something you would not wish upon your worst enemy.

Maybe it was a civil discussion between Russell and Danielle over dinner one night.

Russell: “I say dear that steak is a bit too well done for my liking.”

Danielle: “What do you mean? That is how I have always cooked your steak. You like your steak well done.”

Russell with pronounced English accent assuming a character out of an English novel: “Well no my dear. You see that is exactly why we are not compatible.”

Danielle taking a sip of wine replies: “What do you mean we are not compatible? Have you been reading the tabloids again? I thought we agreed we would not.
Russell: “My dear there is not easy way to this. I do not like my steak over cooked. I like my steak medium rare. There are lots of things I do not like. It is over.”

Danielle: “Hand me the sauce would you darling?”

Russell: “Have you been listening to anything I have said?”

Danielle: “No darling but then that is why we are still married. And you need to work on that English accent, it’s not quite there. What exactly were you rehearsing for by the way?”

Or something like that.

I have to pause and say I do not know either Russell Crowe or his wife and am only using them as an example as they seem to be the latest celebrity couple to bite the dust. If it had been someone else I could have used them.

I see people who separate on a daily basis. It is my other job, a divorce lawyer as some people call them.

And I hear about hundreds of different ways that relationships end. None of the ones that I hear about are done in a civil amicable manner. The majority, are messy and often involve accidental discoveries of extra martial affairs or some other misdemeanour like gambling or drinking.

All these fantastic electronic media like facebook, twitter, email, sms and mobile telephones lead to a great many discoveries that were not available even ten years ago.

A mobile telephone left unattended is picked up by the wife/husband. An innocent scroll through the phone reveals text messages like:

‘hello u sexy thing – in hot tub wish u were her – imagine if your wife knew lol – can’t wait to see you strip off…..’

or

‘running late – room booked under Manuel Gonzales – could not think of other name – can you bring cash this time? Xxxooo wait for me naked will u?’

or

‘sex last night was great – was there trouble when u got home? How about lunch? I’m hungry for more xxooJ

and so on.

Unfortunately it is a most disappointing way to find out your relationship has come to an end, but then I imagine there is no happy or pleasant way to discover a relationship has come to an end. Even in the most amicable of circumstances there would be sadness, with a realisation that a change is coming.

If you are thinking of leaving or ending your relationship we suggest you do not try these at home:

1.     Putting it on facebook.

2.     Making a utube recording.

3.     Using twitter, which would be great as it does not require many characters to say it is over.

4.     Sending an email and copying in family and friends.

5.     Front page advertisement in daily newspaper.

I have no real suggestions to add that might work. The only advice I can give is try and keep your sense of humour, that is what keeps my client’s going even in the toughest of times.

But if you want to read stories about people surviving relationship break downs I encourage you to read Briefs a collection of short stories.

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More on ebooks and marketing

I have to say I am getting more and more inspired the more I read about ebooks and the benefits of publishing ebooks.

Don't get me wrong, I cannot boast great sales or anything like that, yet. But I am reading a lot about epublishing and think I am getting to know a bit more about it.

For starters, marketing your ebook is no different to writing your book in the first place, or good writing full stop. According to marketing strategies, words are important. How many times have I been told that in good writing every word counts? Countless times (excuse the pun). And here I am trying to market an ebook only to find that words are so important, again.

And so here I find myself thinking again what my short stories are about and why would people want to read them? Well, most of the stories in Brief are about relationships. There are failed relationships, as well as dysfunctional relationships and those that are non existent. Thus, Briefs is about people and their vulnerability. It is about leaving your partner/husband/wife and being left and once left how one copes. There are tips on revenge and getting even, with some of those even being put into practise.

Of course to present a balance viewed there is also a romance, a story about the first time and a father who faces an uphill battle to get to spend time with his daughter. A dragon also features, as does a lawyer reading a will.

The statistics for people who separate and divorce in our society are around fifty percent, which means the stories in Briefs should speak to most of you. But if none of those stories entice you I suggest you look for my husband's stories called 'Running in the Mist', which you can find on amazon or Smash Words (published under his name Gerard Thistleton).

As I leave you tonight I am already wondering how to improve my description of what Briefs is about. I think the more times you writer a blurb about your own book the better you get at it. So bear with me.

Till tomorrow - Tschuess

Running in the mist :)